Disclaimer: these definitions are presented through the lense of HuBDSM. While this glossary attempts to capture other common uses of the word, we cannot possibly encompass every possibly variation/definition. It is imperative to clearly define terms during negotiations to ensure that all participants have the same understanding of the play that will take place.
Note: some offensive/improper/outdated terms are included as a result of their use in the cis-het community. These words are not in line with the inclusiveness of HuBDSM but are mentioned here for educational purposes. Only words with a reasonable chance of misunderstanding or with ties to BDSM were included; it should not need to be stated that obvious slurs are not acceptable within the HuBDSM community.
YELLOW terms may be acceptable in some instances but might be offensive to some people or in certain contexts or acts that carry such high risk that the ethics become questionable. Use with caution.
RED terms or activities are unacceptable due to safety and/or ethical concerns. These are not considered part of HuBDSM.
Is there a term you think is missing? Do you have a better suggestion for one of our definitions? Tell us in the Facebook group Humanistic BDSM: Inclusive AF Kink.
| 24/7 | A D/s relationship or dynamic where protocols/power exchange are in place continuously and are not limited to certain times or while actively engaging in a BDSM scene. |
| A | Return to Top |
| A-Frame | Bondage furniture shaped like a triangle, sometimes with a crossbar, usually made out of wood. The bottom is usually bound with the wrists at the top of the "A" and the ankles bound to the legs, forcing the bottom's legs apart. |
| Abrasion | Refers to the use of a rough-textured object (such as sandpaper) against the skin or the resulting area of damaged/tender skin. |
| Abrasive Scarification | Aka Dremel Scarification or the Mamiya Technique. Use of an abrasive material tool such as a dremel to create wounds on the skin that will scar as they heal. Often results in lighter, subtler scars than other techniques. Tends to fling bio matter into the atmosphere and nearby surfaces, increasing the risk of contamination of the area. |
| Abuse | Activities done without the other person’s informed consent which may be calculated or reasonably expected to cause harm. Often stems from selfish desires or insecurities. Can be emotional, physical, or sexual in nature. Victims of abuse often feel trapped and not in control of the situation. Abuse is not part of BDSM but some abusers use BDSM as a means to disguise or defend their actions. |
| Ace Spectrum | Aka Asexual Spectrum, Ace Umbrella, or Gray-A. Category that includes individuals who are completely asexual as well as those who are close to but not entirely asexual, such as demisexual, those who experience sexual desire but very infrequently, or those who are unsure if what they feel qualifies as sexual attraction. |
| Adult Baby | AKA Infantilism. An adult who roleplays as an infant or toddler during BDSM play. |
| AFAB | Assigned Female at Birth. Someone assigned a female sex at birth regardless of their current gender identity. This distinction can be important to recognize biological differences without invalidating an individual's identity. Aka DFAB (Designated Female at Birth) and FAAB (Female Assigned at Birth). |
| Aftercare | A period following a BDSM scene where the players check in with each other and slowly revert to their normal headspace. Aftercare is crucial to maintaining a healthy BDSM dynamic and is just as important for casual play as well. Common forms of aftercare include cuddling, wearing warm robes or blankets, and eating sweet snacks to boost blood sugar. Good aftercare mitigates Drop after a scene. Some types of play might have special aftercare considerations, such as cleaning wounds after blood play to prevent infection. |
| AGAB | Assigned Gender At Birth. Aka ASAB (Assigned Sex at Birth). The sex (usually from the binary choices of male or female) that a person is assigned upon their birth, typically based on their physical genitalia. Not to be confused with ACAB (an anti-police slogan). |
| Age Play | When a player roleplays as a different age than their actual chronological age. Players can roleplay as any age from infants to elderly. In a D/s dynamic, age play is often used to enhance the power dynamic, such as when parent/child roles are used. Age play is not considered pedophilia when conducted solely with adults of legal age, no matter what age they choose to roleplay. |
| Agender | AKA genderfree, genderless, ungendered, or non-gendered. A non-binary gender identity where the individual does not identify as having any gender. |
| Allosexual | A person who experiences sexual desire regularly and is not on the Ace spectrum. The opposite of Asexual (or the opposite of Aromantic for the romantic equivalent: Alloromantic). |
| Ally | A cisgender heterosexual individual that supports the LGBT+ community, advocates for equal rights, and combats homophobia, transphobia, and harmful cis-hetero societal norms. |
| Alpha Sub | Aka Head Slave. In a dynamic where one D-type has multiple s-types, one s-type might be placed in charge of the others or have some level of authority over the other s-types. Usually this means being in charge of training newer s-types. Not all D/s dynamics have an alpha sub. The term "alpha sub" is also sometimes used to describe an s-type partner who is assertive and has an "A type" personality. |
| AMAB | Assigned Male at Birth. Someone who was assigned a male sex at birth regardless of their current gender identity. This distinction is made to recognize biological differences without invalidating an individual's identity. Aka DMAB (Designated Male at Birth), MAAB (Male Assigned at Birth). |
| Anal Beads | A toy consisting of a series of spheres/balls connected in a line, which is inserted into the bottom's anus and later removed at varying speeds. The bottom often derives pleasure from the feeling of the beads passing through the sphincter, especially as they are being removed. |
| Anal Hook | Smooth metal hook, usually with one or more balls on one end and an eyelet on the other end. The hook is inserted into the bottom's anus. The ball(s) at the end help retain it in the anus. The eyelet on the exposed end can be used with a rope, often for Predicament Bondage. Can be used during suspension but should not be used as a suspension device (should not bear any of the bottom's weight) as this could result in internal damage. |
| Anal Play | Play that focuses on stimulation of the anus, often (but not always) by means of inserting fingers, a penis, or objects into the anus. |
| Anilingus | Oral sex with another person's anus. It can include licking the outside of the anus as well as penetration of the anus with the tongue. |
| Animal Play | Depending on the individual using it, animal play (usually used with species-specific variations like Pony Play, K9 Play, etc) might refer to actual bestiality/zoophilia or to animal roleplay. Note that animals cannot consent and sexual activity with animals constitutes animal abuse. Bestiality is not considered part of HuBDSM but Animal Roleplay is recognized as a valid and ethical outlet for such desires. |
| Animal Roleplay | Roleplay where one or more players dresses and behaves as an animal. This play can be sexual or non-sexual in nature and can be used to reinforce D/s roles, such as an s-type that dresses as a pony and pulls a cart to transport their D-type. |
| Anime | Animated shows drawn in a Japanese style, may have English subtitles or voice dubs. Popular style choice for stories involving sex/BDSM. The comic version is called Manga. |
| Ankle Cuffs | Restraints, usually made of leather, which are affixed around the bottom's ankles |
| Anti-Humiliation | Aka Reverse Humiliation. A type of humiliation where the top says extremely nice and flattering things that are calculated to make the bottom uncomfortable and/or cause the bottom to open up emotionally, sometimes resulting in tears. For some bottoms, this can be more distressing than degradation. |
| Aquaphilia | Arousal by water. This may include any number of activities involving water or performed while submerged in water or it can be a fetish for items related to the water such as swimsuits. Breath play via holding one's breath underwater is commonly associated with aquaphilia. |
| Arm Traps | Bondage device typically consisting of metal bands, thought some are made of leather sleeves. The device fits around the elbow and locks the bottom's arms in a bent position, preventing the arms from being straightened. |
| Armbinder | A harness designed to bind the arms to each other or to the body, usually behind the back |
| Aromantic | Aka Aro. A person who does not experience romantic attraction and does not feel a need to engage in romantic relationships. An aromantic person can still feel platonic love for friends and family. An aromantic person might still engage in sexual activity and should not be confused with asexual. |
| Asexual | AKA Ace. A person who does not experience sexual attraction, or only experiences sexual attraction under specific circumstances such as after a strong emotional attachment has been formed. Sexuality occurs on a spectrum and is not entirely binary (as in purely sexual/asexual). Asexual should not be confused with aromantic. Asexual practitioners of BDSM (like any BDSM practitioner) may or may not choose to include sex in their scenes. |
| Ash Rubbing | An act where ash is rubbed into an open cut for the purpose of creating a permanent colored mark. The resulting color is typically inconsistent. This is sometimes done with the ashes of a deceased loved one. |
| Ass Play | Play that focuses on stimulation of the buttocks and anus. |
| Asymmetric Bondage | When the bottom is bound in an asymmetric position, such as when one leg is straight and the other leg is bent. Common in Shibari. |
| Auction | Usually performed at play parties. An s-type is "sold" to the highest bidder. This allows the winner to take temporary control of the s-type, often for a set period of time such as for the remainder of the party. The winner may partake in BDSM play with the s-type but must still observe the s-type’s limits and safeword. This play is usually supervised by the s-type’s normal D-type in order to ensure the safety of the s-type. |
| Auralism | Arousal from sound, often specific sounds. It could be a form of voyeurism if the sounds are of someone else having sex or engaging in play. However, it could also involve music or other non-sexual sounds. |
| Autassassinophilia | Arousal by the threat or idea of being killed. This can involve fantasy roleplay such as mock executions or it can overlap with other forms of play that carry a risk of death or sense of danger such as choking, drowning, gun play, knife play, etc. It can even cross into more extreme activities such as consensual murder. However, that crosses a line into unethical activity and is not part of HuBDSM. |
| Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation | When a person reduces the oxygen supply to their own brain, usually by choking themselves. This is extremely dangerous and can result in death. |
| Auto-Masochism | When a person inflicts pain on themself. There is a fine line between auto-masochism and self-mutilation. Some regard this activity as Edge Play. It can be useful as a means of humiliation or for long-distance dynamics where a sadist cannot directly inflict pain on the masochist. This activity is best undertaken under observation or strict direction. |
| B | Return to Top |
| Babygirl / Babyboy | An individual who acts much younger than their actual chronological age during BDSM play. Alternatively, a pet name for a partner, usually for a bottom or s-type, usually the younger partner. |
| Bad Pain / Good Pain | Used in regards to sadomasochism (S/M). Good pain is pain that is expected and desired by the bottom. A vanilla analog would be sore muscles after working out at the gym. Bad pain is pain that exceeds the bottom’s limits or a type of pain that is undesirable, such as pain that might signal a serious injury. |
| Bagging | Breath play where a bag is placed over the bottom's head. |
| Ball Gag | A gag device consisting of a strap running through a rubber or silicone sphere, which is placed in the bottom's mouth. Some gags have additional holes in the balls for easier passage of air and fluids. |
| Ball Hood | A hood, usually without eyes, with inflatable bladders that press against the bottom's head, rendering them unable to see, hear, or speak. Named so because when the bladders are inflated, it often looks as if the bottom is wearing a ball over their head. |
| Ball Lock | The act of fastening a padlock so that it fits around the bottom's scrotum. A heavier lock can serve as an improvised ball stretcher. Sometimes a leash is attached to the lock to exert greater control. Care should be used not to catch the skin of the scrotum while fastening the lock and circulation must be monitored and maintained. |
| Ball Stretcher | A device that wraps around the scrotum to pull it downward. The stretcher itself might be weighted or it might have a ring to attach weights or bands. The stretcher might also be wide enough to stretch the scrotum by acting as a spacer. Some people find the sensation pleasurable while for others it may be a form of CBT. Care should be used not to make the stretcher too tight and cut off circulation or apply so much pressure/weight that it damages the testicular tissue. Regular use can permanently elongate the scrotum. |
| Ball Tie | A specific bondage technique in which the bottom is bound in the sitting position with their knees pulled to their chest and their head bent downward, effectively tying them into a ball. |
| Bastinado | AKA Falaka, Falanga, or Foot Whipping. A type of impact play where the top whips the soles of the bottom’s feet, usually with a cane. The bottom is often bound to restrict movement during the play. Striking the soles of the feet allows for pain to be more easily inflicted while reducing the chance of injury. Care should be taken not to strike the toes. |
| Bat | Thin flexible rod covered in leather or cloth, similar to a crop but usually shorter with a wider striking surface, used for impact play. Not to be confused with a baseball or cricket bat. |
| Bathroom Control | When the s-type must request permission from the D-type to use the bathroom, which may be granted or denied. |
| BBW / BHM | Big Beautiful Woman / Big Heavy Man. Terms used to describe plus-sized individuals in a positive light. |
| BDSM | It is a combined abbreviation. BD = Bondage and Discipline. DS = Domination and Submission. SM = Sadism and Masochism. This acronym has been expanded from its original use to become a catch-all term that encompasses all consenting kink activities. Vanilla people often associate BDSM with sex and pain but while it can include either or both, it does not have to include either. |
| BDSM Checklist | A list of various activities with annotations stating a player's level of interest and experience. Some activities may be designated as limits. This checklist is typically used during negotiations and may be included as part of a contract. |
| Bear Claw | Glove or handheld implement with dull spikes or points on the fingers. Used for sensation play. Not to be confused with a Vampire Glove, which is used to draw blood. |
| Belting | Aka Strapping. Impact play where the top strikes the bottom with a belt or other straplike implement. |
| Berkley Horse | Bondage furniture consisting of a padded bench with built-in restraints and "arms" to which a person's legs can be affixed. The bottom is bent over the horse and restrained. The berkley horse can be elevated, rotated, or moved into any position, and the arms to which the ankles are bound can be opened or closed. |
| Bestiality | Aka Zoophilia. Sexual interaction with animals. This constitutes animal abuse and thus is not part of HuBDSM. |
| Bigender | When a person has two gender identities that they might experience separately or simultaneously. The two identities do not need to be binary (male/female). |
| Birch | Used for Birching, a birch rod is fashioned from a bundle of leafless twigs (as opposed to a Cane or Switch, which are composed of a single stick). A rod made from hazel is reported to be especially painful. |
| Birching | Impact play where the top strikes the bottom with a birch rod. Birching is most effective against bare skin and loses a large degree of sensation when applied through clothing. |
| Bisexual | A sexual orientation where a person who is sexually or romantically attracted to more than one gender, typically their own gender plus one or more other genders. Bisexuality does not have to be expressed by "equal" attraction and there may be a preference for one gender over the other. |
| Bit Gag | A gag that includes a rod or "bit" that is inserted into the bottom's mouth, similar to the bit on a horse bridle. |
| Biting | Biting the bottom to create sensation, inflict pain, and/or draw blood. |
| Black Sheet Party | An orgy or sex party that involves BDSM activities. Typically includes rules requiring barriered penetrative sex and usually open to attendees of all sexual orientations. |
| Blackbooting | The use of the heel of a shoe/boot/stiletto as a dildo for anal play. Not to be confused with Bootblacking. Care is required to not injure the bottom. |
| Bladder / Bowel Control | Requiring the s-type to receive permission from their D-type before using the toilet and/or being able to use the toilet on command. |
| Blindfold | Any means to temporarily cover the bottom's eyes. Typically used for sensory deprivation, often in conjunction with some form of bondage. |
| Blood Play | Aka Bloodsport. Play where the goal is to draw blood. This may include rubbing the blood over one or more partners, drinking blood, etc. Blood Play is considered a type of Edge Play as there is an increased risk of transmission of diease. |
| Body Modification | The deliberate altering of one's anatomy. Common forms of body modification include branding, tattoos, piercings, implants, tongue cutting, nipple splitting, neck stretching, anal stretching, genital modification, tooth sharpening, etc. Body modifications are only ethical when undertaken in a safe manner with the informed consent of the person whose body is being altered. |
| Body Worship | When the bottom shows extreme respect for the top's body often in a manner considered "worshipful". This typically includes sensual touching, kissing, and licking of the body. Body Worship tends to mean worship of the entire body. There can also be worship of specific body parts such as Foot Worship. This is common in D/s dynamics as a show of love and respect from the s-type to the D-type. Can be sexual in nature but does not have to be. |
| Bolero Straightjacket | A straight jacket with an open front that leaves the breasts exposed. |
| Bondage | The act of restraining or restricting a person's movement. Bondage can be done for its own sake or as part of another type of play such as D/s, humiliation, or CNC. A bound person should either have a way to free themselves or should be supervised at all times for safety reasons. |
| Bondage Bed | A bed designed for use during bondage play. Some are actual beds made for sleeping while others are more like padded tables intended solely for BDSM play. They may have fixed cuffs/straps or may have multiple attachment points for ropes, chains, cuffs, etc. |
| Bondage Belt | A belt of leather or other material that is strapped around the bottom's waist with attachment points for other restraints. |
| Bondage Mittens | Mittens that are typically made of leather or some other stiff material and force the bottom's hands to remain either flat or as closed fists, depending on the design of the mitten. |
| Bondage Scissors | Aka Bandage Scissors or Medical Shears. Used to quickly cut away material away from a person without the risk of accidentally puncturing the person's skin. Often used to remove someone from mummification, cut away bondage tape, etc. |
| Bondage Tape | Medical/sports tape or electrostatic tape that will stick to itself but will not adhere to hair or skin, making it safer for use during bondage play. Aka Coban, Fetish Tape, Self-Adhering Bandage, or Cohesive Bandage. Clingwrap can also serve a similar purpose. |
| Bootblacking | The act of blacking and/or polishing boots or shoes. Black is a common color but any color of leather footwear can be used. Most commonly used for foot fetishes, in a D/s dynamic as a show of respect for the D-type, as a ritual (often at the start of a scene), or as part of a military roleplay scene. Not to be confused with Blackbooting. |
| BORK | Balls Out Risky Kink. Used to describe exceptionally risky kink activities. Whereas edge play has significant risks with possible mitigation measures, a kink is considered BORK when it still carries significant risk even after mitigation measures are in place. |
| Bottom | The person receiving an action. For example, in spanking, the person who is being spanked would be the bottom. In the case of shibari, the person being bound with rope would be the bottom. Being a bottom is often associated with being submissive but the two are not the same. It is possible to be a D-type and bottom or to be a bottom without being a D-type or s-type at all. |
| Box Tie | A form of bondage where the bottom clasps each elbow with the opposite hand behind their back, then the arms are tied together with rope. |
| Branding | The act of permanent or semi-permanent scarification of the tissue for the purpose of creating a mark or design on the skin. This is usually done through extreme temperatures, such as hot iron branding, cold iron branding, or ice branding but can also be performed with electricity using a violet wand of sufficient strength. |
| Brat | An individual (usually s-type) that deliberately provokes their partner through small acts of teasing, misbehavior, pranks, etc. This does not mean that a bratty s-type never listens or breaks whatever rules they want. Misbehavior in a brat stems from a desire to have fun, not to invalidate their dynamic or the role of their partner. Bratty masochists may attempt to provoke "punishments" (funishments). Brat behavior is not the same as "topping from the bottom" and is not actually disrespectful if it’s a negotiated part of a dynamic. |
| Bratty Dom(me) | Someone who displays the personality traits of a Brat but takes on a Dominant role in a dynamic or scene. |
| Breaking Boundaries | When a player wants to push the limits of their partner but goes about it the wrong way or pushes too hard, effectively breaking the limit. This can also be a form of Consent Violation. Whereas pushing a limit often causes a player to become more comfortable with that activity, breaking boundaries tends to do the opposite and can also shatter trust between players. |
| Breast Binding | Flattening of the breasts through the use of constrictive materials such as cloth, bandages, or garments made for that purpose. This is sometimes done for purposes of expressing gender identity, as a form of body modification, or in lieu of wearing a bra. It is recommended that only purpose-made binders be used rather than improvised methods as this can result in tissue damage and deformation of the breast. Not to be confused with breast bondage, such as tying a rope around the breasts. |
| Breath Play | Edge play where the flow of oxygen to the brain is restricted. Can be accomplished through physical or mechanical means. Examples would be choking (physical) or blocking air filter on gas mask (mechanical). The sense of euphoria is directly related to the lack of oxygen. Typically not allowed in public dungeons due to high risk of injury. |
| Breeding | Having unprotected sex to impregnate the bottom. This is usually performed as a form of roleplay and is more about the bottom feeling possessed than the desire for an actual pregnancy. This type of play can even be performed with contraceptives. |
| Bubbler Bottle | A bottle partially filled with water or another liquid, usually connected to some sort of mask for breath play. The bottom must draw air through the liquid, which increases the resistance/difficulty of breathing. The design is similar in concept to a hookah or bong. Use of this device can trigger anxiety in the bottom and potentially result in death. |
| Buck Hammer | AKA Reflex Hammer. Medical implement used to test reflexes and neurological function. Consists of metal handle with two cylindrical, rubber-tipped hammerheads. Typically used for sensation play. |
| Bukkake | A sexual practice in which a large number of tops masturbate and ejaculate onto the face and body of the bottom. |
| Bull / Cuckcake | An individual who has sex with another person (hotwife or hothusband) in front of that individual's partner (the cuckold) as a form of Humiliation. Bull usually refers to a male while cuckcake usually refers to a female. The bull / cuckcake can be s-type, D-type, other, or might not even be interested in BDSM at all. |
| Burrnesha | Albanian "sworn virgins". A third gender term for AFAB individuals who took a vow of chastity and thereafter lived and were treated as males, with all the associated rights and were addressed with male pronouns. |
| Butt Plug | An anal toy characterized by a bulbous end and a flared based that are connected by a constricted area. The bulbous end stimulates the anal cavity, the constricted area allows for the toy to remain in place once fully inserted, and the flared base prevents the toy from being lost in the anal cavity and provides a handle for removal. |
| Butterfly Chair | A chair with planks or stirrups to secure the bottom's feet. Allows the bottom's legs to be spread. |
| C | Return to Top |
| Cable Loop | Aka Cable Slapper. Consists of a loop of thick wire, coated with plastic, rubber, or leather, and affixed to the handle. Used for impact play. Produces intense sensations much like a crop. |
| Cable Tie | Aka Zip Tie. Plastic strips that come in various sizes. One side of the strip contains small teeth that allow it to lock in place. Often used as restraints. |
| Caging | When the bottom is confined in a cage. The cage could be standing, a small pet cage, and under-the-bed cage, or any other style. The cage allows for viewing and access to the bottom. Rods can be inserted through the bars to further restrict movement or the bottom can be bound to the cage. Often used for imprisonment / kidnapping play, humiliation play, and pet play. |
| Candle | Common implement for Wax Play. Different candles burn at different temperatures. There are low-temp candles that may be preferred for new players. Microcrystalline wax and stearin melt at high temperatures and are unsafe for wax play. Scented candles and those that contain special dyes or oils may be safe but typically burn at higher temperatures than plain wax candles. |
| Cane | A thin rod usually made of rattan that is used to strike the bottom. Most canes are relatively long like walking canes but shorter canes can be used, especially for foot caning (Bastinado). |
| Caning | Impact play where the top hits the bottom with a Cane. Often results in straight lines across the area that was struck and some tops will try to create patterns or perfectly parallel sets of lines with a cane. Unlike Birching, caning can deliver painful strikes through clothing. When used on bare skin, there is a high risk of splitting the skin of the bottom. |
| Carabiner | Aka Beaner, Panic Snap, or Snap Link. Ovular or D-shaped metal ring with a spring-loaded gate that allows it to be opened. Commonly used to connect ropes, chains, harnesses, strong points, etc. Cheap carabiners are not made to support body weight. Only carabiners rated for climbing should be used as load-bearing devices. Can also be used as a quick-release point to remove restraints in an emergency, though they cannot serve this purpose if they are currently bearing weight. |
| Caregiver | Typically the D-type in a CG/little dynamic. The CG often takes on a parental role within the relationship. |
| Cast Bondage | When the bottom's limbs are immobilized through a plaster cast or plaster tape. |
| Casual Play | When players engage in BDSM scene together but do not have an ongoing dynamic or relationship. This is the BDSM equivalent of a "one night stand" or "friends with benefits" arrangement. It is extremely important not to skip the vetting, negotiation, or aftercare when engaging in casual play. |
| Catherine's Wheel | Large upright wheel, usually made of wood. The bottom is bound to the wheel, which can then be rotated to any orientation. |
| Catheter | A flexible tube used for Urethral Play. |
| Cattle Prod | Aka Stock Prod. A rod with a handle on one end and electrical contacts on the other. Delivers a painful shock on contact. Originally designed to herd cattle but sometimes appropriated for electro play. Often leaves a mark on the skin which will normally heal but can inflict long-term skin damage as well. |
| Cautery Pen | Medical device intended to control bleeding. Has a heated tip similar to a soldering iron. Can be used to create semi-permanent brands but typically not powerful enough for permanent branding. As with similar tools with heated tips, does not retain enough heat for continuous use, which requires frequent breaks and causes undue pain to the bottom. For these reasons, such tools have mostly fallen out of favor with body modification artists. |
| CBT | Cock-and-Ball Torture. Aka Ballbusting. S/M activity where the top focuses on inflicting pain to an AMAB bottom’s genitalia. When impact is employed as the method of inflicting pain, care must be taken to not strike so hard as to inflict unintentional permanent injury. |
| CDNS | Clothed Dom(me) Naked Sub or Clothed D-type Naked S-type. A type of play where one partner remains clothed but the other partner must be nude. This is often a means to reinforce D/s roles and may be used to humiliate the s-type partner. CDNS is an umbrella term that includes CFNM, CMNF, as well as other possible variations, CMNM, CXNM, CFNX, etc (X being a means to denote a non-binary gender). |
| CFNM / CMNF | Clothed Female Naked Male / Clothed Male Naked Female. A type of play where the one partner (usually D-type) remains clothed but the other partner (usually s-type) must be nude. These terms carry heterosexual implications. HuBDSM includes the umbrella term CDNS or CSND, which is neutral in regards to gender and orientation |
| CG/Little | A type of D/s dynamic that typically features age play from at least one partner (the little). The D-type partner tends to take on a parental role that focuses on nurturing their partner. DDLG and MDLB are types of CG/Little relationships but CG/l does not carry any gendered assumptions. |
| Chain Fisting | A variant of large object insertion where a chain is used to simulate a larger object. About 5’ of average hardware store chain is roughly equal to a fist. The chain should be cleaned and well-lubricated, then it can be inserted into the vagina or anus. Pinching may occur. Some chain should be left outside the body to use for extraction. |
| Chaser | A person (usually male) who pursues sex with a transgender individual. This is different from a normal person who is attracted to a TG person in that a "chaser" tends to see TG partners as objects rather than people and is only interested in fulfilling a sexual fantasy. |
| Chastity | A prohibition against engaging in sexual activity, either enforced by a chastity device or simply by orders from a D-type. This is often used as a form or orgasm control or orgasm denial for humiliation or to reinforce D/s roles. |
| Chastity Belt | A chastity device that wraps around the waist and covers the genitals. Versions exist to secure penises or vaginas. |
| Chastity Device | A device worn around the genitals to physically prevent sexual intercourse from taking place. Often contains an integral lock or a means to attach an external padlock to prevent it from being removed without permission. Most chastity devices are not designed to be safely used to extended periods of time without removal. |
| Chastity Piercing | A piercing or series of piercings designed to prevent sexual activity, such as a series of piercings in the labia that can be locked together to close up the vagina or a piercing through the foreskin of the penis that prevents its withdrawal from the glans. |
| Cheating | Any activity that violates the tacit or implied rules of a relationship. What specific activities qualify as cheating depends on the relationship and the rules that were agreed on by all partners involved. |
| Check-in | A pause in the scene where the top or D-type stops to check on the bottom or s-type. The s-type/bottom’s response might result in play then continuing as normal, ending the scene entirely, or making minor adjustments before continuing the scene, such as allowing the bottom a minute to recover, adjusting restraints, adding more lube to toys, etc. This might also result in play continuing but without further escalation of intensity if the bottom indicates they are getting close to their limits. |
| Chemical Play | Sensation play that involves the use of mild chemical irritants such as peppermint oil, menthol, Tabasco sauce, etc. to create sensations on the skin of the bottom. Care must be used not to use caustic or toxic substances. |
| Chemical Scarification | When a design is cut into the skin and a chemical irritant is added to improve/increase scarring. Strong acids or bases should not be used. This is one of the riskiest methods of scarification due to the knowledge of biology and chemistry required. |
| Choking | Breathplay that involves a physical rather than mechanical means of restricting oxygen flow to the brain. There is no "safe" way to choke but it is "safer" to use constriction of the blood vessels on the sides of the neck rather than attempting to constrict the windpipe itself. Too much pressure on the windpipe can result in tracheal injury, which requires immediate medical attention. |
| Cilice | Belt or garment designed to cause pain or discomfort to the wearer, often through the incorporation of wire or spikes into the design. |
| Cisgender | Aka Cis. A person who identifies as the same gender they were assigned at birth. |
| Clean | A term often used online that is synonymous with DDF (drug and disease free). This term is less desirable because it implies that someone who has an STI is “dirty”. |
| Cleave Gag | A piece of thin cloth material such as a scarf that is inserted between the bottom's teeth and tied around the back of the head. This type of gag is more difficult to dislodge than other improvised gags such as the OTM or OTN gags. |
| Clover Clamp | A type of clamp that is affixed to a cord or chain in such a way that pulling on the chain increases the pressure of the clamp. |
| CNC | Consensual non-consent. The s-type consents ahead of time to partake in activities at the D-type's discretion. CNC can be a carefully negotiated and scripted scene or an ongoing dynamic where the D-type can introduce activities without negotiation. CNC may include physical force, bondage, and/or threats of violence to "coerce" cooperation. Some D-types drug / intoxicate the s-type but this negates consent and poses safety risks. Safewords are important as the s-type might be expected to feign resistance during the scene, so plain English (such as “please stop”) will not suffice to stop the scene in case of a problem or emergency. |
| Co-Dom | When two or more individuals work together as D-types, with either a single or even multiple s-types. This can be limited to a scene or be part of an ongoing poly D/s dynamic. |
| Co-Top | When two or more individuals take part in a scene together as tops, often in the context of both topping a single bottom. |
| Cock Board | Aka CBT Board. A board with a hole in it. The bottom's penis is placed through the hole to facilitate CBT. Typically held in place with locks or straps. |
| Cock Cage | A chastity device usually in the form or a tube or cylindrical cage that fits around the penis and prevents it from becoming erect through physical constraint. In addition to chastity, this can be used as for CBT. Note: extended wear could have negative effects on the penis. |
| Cock Ring | Metal or rubber ring placed around the base of the penis. Allows blood to flow in but constricts blood flowing out, preventing the penis from becoming flaccid. |
| Coffin | Box large enough to fit a person inside, usually padded on the inside, usually with either restraints inside or a lockable lid. Has holes or flaps to allow people outside the coffin to stimulate the bottom or to allow the bottom to perform oral sex on those outside the coffin. |
| Collar | A device worn around the neck. Can be used strictly for play/fashion purposes but can also signify a relationship between an s-type and D-type. There are different types of collars including: consideration collars, day collars, fashion collars, ownership collars, permanent collars, play collars, posture collars, protection collars, and training collars. Some collars are symbolic and not literal collars, such as a tattoo or piece of jewelry (often but not always a cuff or necklace). |
| Collared | A formal D/s status in which a D-type has presented an s-type with a collar with defined meaning and purpose. It can include consideration collars, training collars, protections collars, and ownership collars, but is usually used in reference to ownership collars. It serves as a visual representation of the D/s dynamic similar to wedding rings. |
| Collaring Ceremony | A ceremony within a D/s dynamic where the D-type formally presents the s-type with an ownership collar. This is often compared to a vanilla wedding, and some people value a collaring ceremony above a wedding. Collaring ceremonies are very personal and heavily customized events; there is no standard “template” for how such a ceremony should go. Collaring ceremonies are not required to collar an s-type; it is up to the individuals in the dynamic whether a ceremony is desired. Sometimes the s-type is actually collared at an earlier point but a ceremony is held at a later date with kink-aware friends of the D/s partners. |
| Coming Out | To reveal a stigmatized part of oneself either publicly or to a specific audience like close friends/family. Usually refers to revealing oneself to have a non-heterosexual orientation or a non-cisgender identity. |
| Confidentiality | Protection of personal/private information. Confidentiality is critical with the BDSM and LGBT+ communities. Sharing personal information about someone without their permission is a consent violation. |
| Conflation | Merging two or more separate ideas, usually based on a prevalence of those ideas being used together. In a BDSM context, conflation commonly occurs in regards to D/s roles. It is a popular belief that D-type = top = sadist while s-type = bottom = masochist, yet each of those things is completely separate from the other. |
| Consent | The active, informed, on-going, and enthusiastic agreement of a player to a specific act, kink, or role. Consent can be withdrawn by any person for any reason at any time. Consent is a cornerstone of BDSM as many accepted practices would be considered abusive without consent. It should be freely given without undue pressure after being fully informed of the play that is going to occur. |
| Consent Violation | When someone’s boundaries are crossed or ignored. Within a scene, this usually means violating the player’s limits or not respecting use of the safeword. Some consent violations are malicious and often constitute a criminal act such as assault, kidnapping, or rape. Other consent violations may be the result of poor negotiations/communication. In these cases, the consent of one player was violated due to a misunderstanding from the other player rather than ill intent. Outside of a BDSM scene, this could involve touching another person without first receiving their consent to do so. Consent violations are highly frowned upon within HuBDSM even when not intended. |
| Consideration Collar | A collar worn by a s-type while under consideration for ownership by a D-type. This type is most common to M/s relationships. The collar can be upgraded to a training collar, ownership collar, or permanent collar if both parties agree to enter into an ongoing dynamic. A consideration collar is similar to a vanilla promise ring. |
| Contract | A formal document that outlines the results of negotiation between two or more individuals prior to entering into a dynamic. Due to the effort involved, contracts are not typically used for casual play. BDSM contracts are not legally-binding. They typically outline expectations of all parties, protocols, desired types of play, hard/soft limits, designated safe words, etc. Note that regardless of what is written in a contract, consent can be revoked at any time for any reason. Some people dislike BDSM contracts since much like sexual consent forms, they may lead to wrong ideas about acceptable behavior or may create bad assumptions about consent. |
| Contrapolar Stimulation | Any sort of sensation or stimulation that induces both pain and pleasure simultaneously. |
| Corset | Clothing, often made of leather, PVC, or vinyl and sometimes strips of rigid "boning," which is tightly laced to narrow the waist and lift the breasts, creating an "hourglass" figure. When taken to extreme lengths, can shift internal organs, cause difficulty breathing, etc. |
| Cosplay | Costume play. Roleplay that is conducted with costumes and props to enhance the role. For example, a D-type roleplaying as a police officer during a scene might wear a police costume and bring handcuffs. Note that there are also hobby cosplayers for various fandoms who do not engage in BDSM and simply enjoy dressing in costume for various events (particularly conventions such as Comic-Con). |
| Coven | A group of like-minded individuals that have associated themselves together, much like a BDSM House but typically found within the Pagan, Wiccan, or Vampire sub-cultures. |
| Crop | Aka Riding Crop. A slim flexible rod wrapped in leather or other material with a leather loop at the end of the rod to serve as the strike surface. Crop is also a verb used to describe the act of striking someone with a crop as a form of impact play. |
| Crossdresser (CD) | A person who enjoys dressing as the opposite gender but does not identify as that gender. This does not reveal anything about an individual's sexual orientation. Many CDs identify as heterosexual. |
| CSND | Clothed Sub Naked Dom(me). While the acronym is similar to CDNS, the roles are reversed. The D-type is naked and the s-type remains clothed. This can be combined with sexual play to humiliate the s-type by highlighting that only the D-type will receive pleasure. |
| Cuck | Aka Cuckold (male) or Cuckquean (female). An individual (often s-type) who is "forced" to watch their partner have sex with another person. Sometimes another layer of humiliation / submission is added by making the cuckold clean up after the sex is complete, either by physically cleaning the area or by licking/sucking cum and other fluids from either or both participants. "Cuckold" typically refers to a player who identifies as male while "cuckquean" refers to a player who identifies as female. "Cuck" can be used as a gender-neutral variation. |
| Cuckoldry | Aka Cuckolding or Cuck Play. Where one individual (the cuckold or cuckquean) must watch their partner (hotwife or hot husband) engage in sexual activity with another person (bull or cuckcake). Sometimes another layer of humiliation / submission is added by making the cuckold clean up after the sex is complete, either by physically cleaning the area or by licking/sucking cum and other fluids from either or both participants. |
| Cupping | Aka Erotic Cupping. Alternative medicine that can also be a means of sensation play. This activity involves creating suction on the skin with "cups". Cupping ruptures capillaries. It can result in pain, bruising, and temporary marks. In rare cases, more significant medical conditions can result from it. |
| Cutting | Breaking skin to draw blood through the use of a knife or other cutting implement. This can be part of blood play, knife play, or scarification but should not be done for purposes of self-mutilation. |
| D | Return to Top |
| D-type | A catch-all term for the Dominant partner in a D/s dynamic or a person who identifies as Dominant whether or not they are in an active D/s relationship. In accordance with the inclusive principles of HuBDSM, this term does not assume gender, orientation, or title. D-types hold power/authority over one or more other players (s-types) in a scene or ongoing dynamic. |
| D/s | Dominance/submission. A dynamic or type of play where one player (s-type) gives up some or all of the decision-making power and authority to the other player (D-type). This power exchange can be temporary or ongoing. |
| Dacryphilia | Arousal from tears or sobbing. |
| DADT | Don't Ask Don't Tell. A non-monogamous relationship where individuals can have other partners. The primary partners do not tell each other or ask each other about each others' additional partners nor meet their primary's additional partners. Generally frowned upon by the poly community because it is sometimes used as a cover for cheating. Can also refer to former policy of the US military on homosexual conduct. |
| Day Collar | A device that can be worn during the s-type’s “day” life without looking out of place to vanilla observers. It may be a fashionable collar that can be worn with clothing but is often a substitute device such as a piece of jewelry. Despite the name, it does not have to be an item that is worn around the neck. The purpose is to remind the s-type of their ownership while they are out in public. |
| DDF | AKA D/D Free, D&D Free, etc. A term typically used online meaning Drug & Disease Free. Used to indicate that a person does not use recreational drugs AND knows their STI status. People sometimes use this term regardless of whether or not they have been tested. |
| DDLG | Daddy Dom/Little Girl. A CG/little dynamic with an identified male D-type and an identified female s-type. |
| Deadnaming | Calling someone by their previous name after they have taken on a new name. Often done to transgender people as a way to misgender them and invalidate their identity but the practice can apply to anyone who has taken a new name and experiences trauma from their old name. |
| Degradation | Humiliation Play where the bottom is made to feel demeaned and embarrassed, often by the top using words or actions that play on the bottom's insecurities. Degradation in a BDSM context requires consent of the bottom. Degrading words or actions without consent is abuse. HuBDSM regards it as edge play as there is risk of psychological damage. |
| Demigender | A non-binary gender identity where someone identifies with more than one gender. They may associate certain aspects of themselves with one gender and other aspects of themselves with a different gender identity. Demiflux refers to someone who is demigendered but at least one of their stable gender identities is non-binary. |
| Demisexual | The inability to experience sexual attraction until after a strong emotional bond has been formed. Falls on the Ace Spectrum as Gray-A. |
| Devil's Fire | Aka Microbranding or Cell Popping. A type of strike branding where a needle is heated until it is red-hot, then lightly touched to the bottom's skin for a brief moment (usually just long enough for a light popping to occur) and then removed, leaving a small red dot. The process is repeated with the individual dots coming together to form a larger design, not unlike a tattoo. |
| Digisexual | An orientation where a person prefers artificial sex aids such as teledildonics or robots to sexual activity with a human. Not to be confused with people who use toys to enhance sex or masturbation. Possibly falls on the Ace Spectrum. |
| Dildo | An artificial phallus (penis) typically used to penetrate the bottom's mouth, vagina, or anus. |
| Dildo Gag | A forniphilic gag with a dildo attached that extends away from the bottom (as opposed to a penis gag where the phallic device is inserted into the bottom's mouth, though some gags serve both purposes). This allows the top to use the dildo to ride the bottom's face without any direct sexual conduct with the bottom, often as a form of humiliation. |
| Discipline | The practice of setting rules or protocol, often as part of a D/s dynamic, and the associated enforcement of those rules, usually through punishing the s-type if the rules are broken. |
| DM | Dungeon Monitor. A designated person at a public dungeon or play party who ensures that the house rules are being followed and that safewords and limits are being respected. A DM can intervene to stop any scene if they deem it to be necessary. |
| Dollification | D/s dynamic where the s-type is treated as a living doll and the D-type takes the role of the doll's owner. |
| Dom | A male identifying Dominant or a term of a D-type of any gender identity. |
| Domestic Discipline | A type of D/s dynamic that includes a romantic relationship between the partners. The D/s aspect is usually more subtle, with more emphasis placed on the relationship than on discipline/punishment. DD relationships often mimic traditional patriarchal households. |
| Dominance | The state of having power and authority over another person as the result of a power exchange. |
| Dominant | The Dominant partner in a D/s dynamic or a person who identifies as Dominant even if they are not in an active D/s relationship. The Dominant holds a degree of power and authority over the s-type. Being Dominant is sometimes confused with being a top but a Dominant can top or bottom in a scene without it affecting their D/s role. |
| Dominatrix | A female identifying Dominant. Dominatrices is the the plural form. It is most often (but not always) applied to Pro-Dommes. |
| Domme | A female identifying Dominant. |
| Domspace | The altered mental state usually accompanied with euphoria and heightened sense of self that is experience by a D-type during play. This is similar to the subspace but less common. AKA Topspace |
| Door Hanger | A bondage device similar to TRX door kits. Consists of webbing with a dowel on one end and a ring on the other. The webbing is placed over the top of a door and the door is closed. Restraints can be attached or tied to the ring. The dowel holds the webbing in place by preventing it from slipping through the doorframe. |
| Doxxing | Short for "dropping documents". When someone takes an individual's personal information and publishes it in a public forum, usually online, often to "out" the person based on some perceived secret or incorrect identity. HuBDSM recognizes that everyone should enjoy a basic right to privacy and doxxing is counter to that principle. |
| Drag King | A female-identifying person who dresses as a woman (usually in a flamboyant and exaggerated fashion) for the purposes of performance/entertainment. Performing as a drag king does not reveal anything about the individual's sexual orientation. This term typically does not apply to trans men. |
| Drag Queen | A male-identifying person who dresses as a woman (usually in a flamboyant and exaggerated fashion) for the purposes of performance/entertainment. Performing as a drag queen does not reveal anything about the individual's sexual orientation. This term typically does not apply to trans women. |
| Dragon's Tail | Unusual whip design consisting of a handle, to which a wide triangular piece of thin leather or suede is attached. This leather or suede forms a lash which is a hollow tube tapering to a point at the striking end. |
| Drop | Often called “sub drop” or “top drop”. Can be experienced by Doms, subs, tops, and bottoms. A state of emotional exhaustion after a scene, often one that was particularly physically and/or emotionally intense. Often associated with the sudden drop of chemicals released into the brain during a scene. May include feelings of depression, remorse/guilt, physical shaking, chills, crying, and/or fatigue. Can be mitigated by aftercare. Can persist for several days. |
| Drop Collar | A collar designed so that it dips in the front of the neck. May be make of a rigid material like metal or traditional flexible materials like leather. Often has some form of charm or ornamentation in front. Commonly used as a fashion collar or day collar. |
| Dry Cupping | Cupping by creating a small area of low air pressure next to the skin. |
| Dungeon | A place designated for BDSM play which usually includes furniture, tools, and props to be used during scenes. Public dungeons are usually businesses or clubs that are open to the public, though most require some sort of membership to enter. Private dungeons are usually located at private residences. Public dungeons typically have DMs watching the play area. |
| E | Return to Top |
| Earmuffs | Muffs that fit over the head and ears in order to muffle external noise. Typically used for sensory deprivation. |
| Earplugs | Plugs (usually made from foam or rubber) that fit inside the bottom's ears to muffle noise. Typically used for sensory deprivation. |
| Edge Play | A subjective term for types of play that fall outside of SSC (and thus would be considered RACK or PRICK instead). May carry physical health and safety risks (such as choking) that prevent them from being defined as "safe" or may push one or more players to the brink of what they can emotionally/psychologically handle (such as CNC or play that pushes a player's Limits). Not to be confused with edging. |
| Edging | A form of orgasm control that involves maintaining a state of arousal for a prolonged length of time before finally achieving orgasm. This can be done with a partner or during masturbation. When an orgasm finally occurs, the sensation is heightened due to the built-up tension. Not to be confused with edge play. |
| Elastrator | A device used to apply extremely tight bands. Used for castration of animals by cutting off the blood supply to the testicles until they fall off. This device is sometimes used in S/M play as a clamp, particularly for the nipples. It should not be left on for extended periods of time due to the dangers that result from cutting off blood circulation to an area. Use of an elastrator on any body part constitutes Edge Play due to the risks involved. |
| Electro Play | Electrical Play, aka Electro Sex aka E-Stim (Electrical Stimulation). Sensation play where electrical current is used to generate sensations. Electro play can be sensual, painful, or can even be used to cause semi-permanent brands. Electro play should only be conducted with toys designed for use on humans with safety in mind. Mistakes can result in tissue damage or even fatal electrocution of one or all players. |
| Electrocautery Device | A device that uses an electrode to heat the tip enough to cauterize tissue. Devices made for branding are similar to a cautery pen but reach higher temperatures and retain heat better. Different electrodes allow for different sizes/widths. Can create more detailed and intricate designs than strike branding. |
| Electroconductive Gel | A gel or lubricant that is designed to effectively conduct electricity. Used during electroplay, particularly with internal electrodes, to prevent electrical burns. Silicone lubricants are not sufficiently conductive and should not be used with electrodes. |
| Electrosurgery | Aka Electro Branding or Hyfrecator Branding (named for a popular brand of equipment) or Laser Surgery (a misnomer as no lasers are used). The use of a high frequency electrical current to create scar tissue. Adjustment of the current can change the depth, allowing for detailed texture. The resulting scar tissue spreads less than that created by other branding methods. This allows for some of the most detailed types of brands. Some types of electrosurgery implements are not safe for individuals with pacemakers or similar medical devices. |
| Enby | AKA NB or enbi. An abbreviation or slang term for "non-binary". Note that "NB" is also sometimes used to refer to "non-black" people of color (NBPOC). |
| Encasement | Aka Total Enclosure. When the bottom is fully enclosed to include some sort of hood or facemask, usually in a suit, though vacuum beds are used as well. Bondage is usually incorporated as well. This tends to induce claustrophobia. Care must be taken to ensure the bottom does not asphyxiate. |
| Endorphins | Chemicals released by the body to combat stress and pain, similar to opoids. Endorphin release is common in the bottom during S&M play. An endorphin high followed by a crash can result in a drop. |
| Enema | A device used to flush and clean the rectum, usually prior to anal sex or anal play. Only water should be used. Some people use enemas to forcibly insert another liquid such as coffee or alcohol into the rectum, where it can be absorbed by the colon and enter the bloodstream faster than through normal digestion. This can be extremely dangerous, particularly with toxins such as alcohol and can result in death. |
| Erotic Behaviour Modification | Not to be confused with the psychotherapeutic practice of behaviour modification. Erotic behaviour modification is a BDSM practice that uses procedures, rituals, punishments, and rewards in order to cultivate new behaviours, extinguish prior unwanted behaviors, or to shape existing behaviours. |
| Erotic Humiliation | A form of Humiliation Play that does not necessarily demean or degrade the bottom but forces them to overcome inhibitions and participate in acts that they would normally hesitate to perform. An example would be a bottom who was shy and insecure about their body being shown off to others in exhibitionism without any direct shaming of their appearance. |
| Erotic Hypnosis | Aka Hypnokink. The incorporation of hypnosis into play or a D/s dynamic, often conducted by the D-type in order to influence the s-type. This can be used to lower inhibitions, increase sensation, reduce fears/insecurities, help the individual get into the proper headspace for roleplay, creating compulsions, or to condition the s-type for obedience. |
| Evil Stick | Aka Misery Stick. A thin rod, typically about the diameter of a mechanical pencil lead, attached to a small, rigid handle. The rod is flexible and very strong; when laid against the skin and then flicked with a strong upward motion at its tip, it causes a sharp pain and typically leaves a thin, well-defined welt that can persist for days. Carbon fiber is the idea material. |
| Evolving | Aka Fluctuating. A person whose role sexual responsiveness, orientation, etc. is changing/evolving. |
| Exhibitionism | Arousal or excitement from exposing oneself in a sexual manner in front of other or engaging in sexual or BDSM play in front of others. |
| External Electrode | An electrode or probe that attaches to a device designed for Electro Play (such as a TENS unit or Violet Wand) and is intended to be used against the skin of the bottom. |
| F | Return to Top |
| Fa'afafine | A Samoan third gender that applies to AMAB individuals that display feminine traits and behaviors. |
| Facefucking | Aka Irrumatio. When the top engages in rough oral sex with the bottom. This usually refers to a top penetrating the bottom's mouth with a penis but can also be accomplished with a dildo or by roughly riding the bottom's face so that the vagina or anus is rubbed vigorously against the mouth and face. Rough oral sex with a penis or dildo is also sometimes called "skullfucking". |
| Facesitting | When the top sits on the face of the bottom, usually while unclothed and in a manner that allows the bottom to have oral contact with the top's genitals or anus. This can be done purely for sexual pleasure, for Humiliation, or to reinforce D/s roles (with the D-type sitting on top of the s-type in a display of Dominance). |
| Family | Three or more individuals in a relationship/dynamic, often living together. May be organized in any number of structures, including polyamorous, polygamous, or “traditional” family with a daddy, mommy, and children (littles). Structure can be informal or rigid. Usually headed by a D-type. Can be similar or the same to a Clan, Pack, or House. |
| Fashion Collar | A collar worn purely for fashionable or decorative purposes. Fashion collars do not signify any special dynamic or role. |
| Faux King | A male-identifying person who dresses in the flamboyant and exaggerated masculine fashion of a Drag King for the purposes of performance/entertainment. Performing as a faux king does not reveal anything about the individual's sexual orientation. |
| Faux Queen | A female-identifying person who dresses in the flamboyant and exaggerated fashion of a Drag Queen for the purposes of performance/entertainment. Performing as a faux queen does not reveal anything about the individual's sexual orientation. |
| Fear Play | Any play where fear plays a significant role. |
| Feeder/Breeder | A D-type in a dynamic or roleplay scene where the s-type is treated like livestock. Animals such as horses, cows, and pigs are often looked to for inspiration and play often involves feeding/fattening, breeding (sex), and milking. Alternatives, "Breeder" may refer to someone who engages in Breeding. |
| Fetish | Colloquially used to refer to specific acts, objects, or body parts that are highly arousing. Many people strictly define a fetish as something that is required for a person to become aroused rather than an enhancer to arousal. “Fetish” is sometimes used interchangeably with “kink”. Examples: Foot Fetish, Leather Fetish, Rubber Fetish, etc. |
| Fetters | Aka Leg Irons. Metal cuffs connected by a chain, designed to be locked around the legs or ankles in such a way that the bound person can still walk, in a slow, shuffling gait, but cannot run. May also include additional chains to be affixed to a belt and/or to wrist cuffs. |
| Fiddle | Restraint consisting of short rod with a collar on one end for the neck and a pair of cuffs on the other end for the wrists. |
| Figging | When a piece of ginger root has the skin removed and is inserted into the bottom’s anus. This results in an intense burning sensation for the bottom. |
| FinDom | Financial Domination (or Financial Dominant). Arrangement where the s-type provides money or expensive gifts to the D-type and/or hands over control of some or all of their finances to the D-type. Not all FinDoms are Pro-Doms. Pro-Domming is a business transaction where the D-type receives money in return for engaging in play. In FinDom, the money itself is a type of play and the D-type enjoys the sense of control that it provides. |
| Fire and Ice | Temperature play that involves alternating hot wax with ice or cold water. |
| Fire Cupping | Cupping where a cotton ball is soaked in alcohol and lit on fire. The cotton ball is held under a cup to consume the oxygen and create low pressure. The cotton ball is removed and the cup placed against the skin in a single motion. |
| Fire Play | Play that involves open flame, generally using the heat of the flame to create sensations. This also includes Fire Cupping. The natural fear of an open flame near the skin can enhance the sensations experienced by the bottom. Fire play is considered a form of Edge Play because there is always a risk of serious burns. |
| Fisting | When an entire hand/fist is inserted into the bottom’s vagina or anus. This can be dangerous for the bottom if they are not appropriately prepared and have not worked their way up to this using smaller objects or fingers first. |
| Flogger | AKA Cat-O-Nine-Tails. An impact tool superficially similar to a whip. However, a flogger contains multiple "tails" connected to a single handle and is usually shorter in length than whips. |
| Flogging | Impact Play where the top strikes the bottom with a flogger. |
| Florentine | Aka Double Weave. A flogging technique where a flogger is held in each hand, which are then swung in a figure-eight motion. |
| FLR | "Female-Led Relationship" a type of D/s relationship with a female D-type. Although technically any s-type with a female D-type could be considered an FLR, it tends to be used exclusively to describe hetero relationships (female D-type, male s-type) due to the reversal of patriarchal norms. |
| Fluid Bonding | Unbarriered/unprotected penetrative sex, usually done to create the feeling of a stronger bond between two individuals. |
| Fluid Exchange | Any activity that involves the transferrence or exchange of bodily fluids from one person to another, including unbarriered sexual contact with a person's penis, vagina, or anus, as well as any contact with blood. This is usually not allowed at play parties. This also includes sharing sex toys between partners. |
| Food Play | Any play involving food. Commonly used to enhance sex, as a means of sensation play, or for soiling the partner. |
| Forced Bi | A type of play where a person who identifies as heterosexual is "forced" to engage in sexual activity with a member of the same gender or a person who identifies as homosexual is "forced" to engage in sexual activity with someone of the opposite gender. This is usually Humiliation Play but it can also be part of a CNC scene. |
| Forced Crossdressing | A gender-neutral version of "Forced Feminization". When an individual is forced to dress up as a member of the gender opposite of how that person identifies, usually as part of Humiliation Play. |
| Forced Feminization | When a male is "feminized" by being dressed as a female. This often includes applying makeup and either styling the person's hair in a feminine manner or applying a wig. Due to the gender-bias of this term "Forced Crossdressing" is the preferred term in HuBDSM. |
| Forced Intoxication | When the bottom is forced to consume alcohol. This play can be dangerous due to the risk of choking, alcohol poisoning, and the decreased capacity of the bottom to recognize if something is wrong, which increases the risk of injury. This could also apply to forced drugging of the bottom. It also poses an ethical concern in that the bottom could easily reach a point where they are no longer capable of consent. |
| Forced Orgasm | An orgasm that occurs against the person's will/control, often performed during predicament play, orgasm control, or post-orgasm torture. |
| Forced Play | A number of BDSM terms include "forced" in the name. "Forcing" the s-type or bottom is a form of roleplay. No activities, even those described as "forced" play, should ever be literally forced upon a person who did not consent to this activity. Any sort of "forced" play also implies some level of Power Exchange between the bottom and the top. |
| Forniphilic Gag | A gag with a shape intended to humiliate the bottom. The shape/attachment also sometimes allows the bottom to perform a task with the gag. |
| Fraysexual | Aka Ignotasexual. A person on the Ace Spectrum who only experiences sexual attraction to people they do not know very well and/or do not have a strong emotional bond with. Once a strong connection is established, it can cause previous sexual attraction to be lost. The opposite of Demisexual. It is still possible for Fraysexuals to engage in long term relationships. |
| Frenzy | A state in which a person (often new to BDSM) craves the rush they receive from BDSM play so much that it overrides their normal decision-making process and even their self-preservation, causing them to take much greater risks than normal or play harder than usual. Playing while in a frenzy increases the risk of consent violations and injury. This is commonly referred to as “sub frenzy” and is associated with s-types or bottoms but D-types can also feel a similar “Dom frenzy” or “top frenzy”. |
| FTM / MTF | Male-to-female or female-to-male. A means to describe transgender individuals. This is sometimes used by individuals as a simple label to identify themselves to others. It's fine to use this label for yourself but do not label others without their agreement. The terms AMAB / AFAB are generally preferable when ASAB needs to be discussed at all. Otherwise, trans man or trans woman is generally considered more acceptable. FTX / MTX is also sometimes used if the new gender identity is non-binary. |
| FTT | Full Toilet Training, aka Hardsports. Scat play, usually involving defecation into the bottom's mouth. |
| Funishment | A term based on "fun punishment". It refers to something that might appear to a casual vanilla observer to be a punishment but is actually enjoyable for the bottom or s-type, such as a masochist receiving a spanking. A funishment is not part of discipline but may be portrayed as such during a scene that involves roleplay. A poorly-selected punishment can unintentionally be a funishment. |
| Funnel Gag | A gag that includes a tube or funnel which is inserted into the bottom's mouth and is held in place by straps. This allows the top to force liquid (as as alcohol, semen, or urine) into the bottom's mouth. Related: Forced Intoxication, Watersports |
| Furry | A person interested in anthropomorphic and humanized depictions of animals. Furries will often dress in elaborate costumes of anthropomorphic animals. Some (not all) furries are sexually attracted to fictional furry characters but most of the furry community frowns upon actual bestiality. Not all furries practice dress up as a fetish; some just enjoy cosplay. |
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| Gag | A device that is inserted into the bottom's mouth or over the bottom's mouth. Gags are common during bondage play and humiliation play. Care must be used so that the bottom does not asphyxiate due to blockage of the airway while gagged. Since gags inhibit speech, safety signals should be discussed prior to use. Types of gags include: Forniphilic Gags, Penis Gags, Dildo Gags, OTM, OTN, Medical Gags, Bit Gags, Utility Gags, and Ball Gags. |
| Gagging | The act of placing something into or over the bottom's mouth. This can be done with a body part, such as covering the mouth with the top's hand, inserting the top's fingers or penis into the bottom's mouth, it can use a purpose-made Gag device that covers or is inserted into the bottom's mouth, or it can involve inserting a phallic object such as a dildo or butt plug (note: do no go directly from the anus and into the mouth without washing first). This may be done to inhibit speech, as a form of Humiliation, or specialized gags might be used for other specific types of play. |
| Gas Mask | A mask (usually military surplus) that covers the face and eyes with a filter to remove dangerous particulates from the air. Often used for mechanical breath play as the filter restricts breathing but is usually not dangerous. Can also be used for aesthetic purposes, to conceal the participant's face, to aid in sensory deprivation, to somewhat mute speaking, and/or to induce claustrophobia. Always check before play to ensure the wearer can breath while the mask is sealed against the face, especially if the individual will be restrained. |
| Gatekeeping | Restricting or limiting access to the lifestyle/community or invalidating someone's actions or feelings, usually based on personal bias and prejudice. For example: "That's not how you run a D/s dynamic, you're not being hard enough on your sub!" or "If you were a true sub you wouldn't have argued with him." Gatekeeping is antithetical to HuBDSM principles which recognize all styles and desires as valid so long as they do not cause harm. It is important to recognize and call out gatekeeping when it is encountered in the community. |
| GCS | Gender-Confirming Surgery. Aka Gender-Affirming Surgery. Surgery that helps a person's body more closely align with their gender identity. Surgery is not necessary to transition. A transgender person who elects not to have GCS is not "less" of their identified gender than someone who has undergone GCS and should never be used to shame someone. Previously referred to as "sex change surgery" but that term is not preferred because of the implication that a person cannot transition to their identified gender without undergoing surgery. |
| Gender Fluid | When a person's gender identity changes over time. A gender fluid person might express one gender identity one day and a different gender identity the next day. |
| Gender Identity | The way a person identifies themselves in terms of gender / gender roles. Gender is an intersection of personal identity / expression with societal or cultural norms and expectations. Gender should not be confused with a person's genitalia or the sex they were assigned at birth. Gender identity does not tell you anything about a person's sexual orientation. |
| Gender Nonconforming | Aka GNC. An individual who displays traits that do not conform to prevailing societal expectations of their gender or traditional gender roles. |
| Gender-Fluid | A gender identity where a person does not commit to a single gender. Gender-fluid people may shift between genders based on their mood, environment, and type of interaction. Bigender individuals shift between the two-binary genders. Trigender individuals shift between the two binary genders and a third gender such as being agendered. |
| Genitorture | Genital torture |
| Gimp | A bottom or s-type who is wearing a bondage suit and is typically treated in a highly objectified manner. |
| Gimp Suit | AKA Bondage Suit. An outfit typically made of leather that covers the entire body from head to toe, including the face. It reduces the wearer from a person to an object. It may have built-in restraints, gags, etc. |
| Golden Showers | A type of Watersports where the top urinates on the bottom. |
| Gorean | An M/s dynamic that is based on the master-slave relationships found in the sci-fi series Gor by John Norman, a series often criticized for its blatant sexism. Gorean tradition is characterized by a high level of protocol, including different display positions that slaves (Kajira / Kajiri) are expected to learn and perform upon command. Some Gorean groups/practitioners refuse to recognize female D-types. Most Gorean practitioners are "lifestylers" though more casual "Gorean Players" exist as well. |
| Gorean Player | A person who enjoys the protocols of the Gorean tradition during play but does not live it as a lifestyle. |
| Grandmother Rule | A rule, often applied in vanilla spaces, to dress and behave such that if you bumped into your grandmother, she wouldn't be shocked. Often used as a code for people attending a kink event to avoid people wearing kink/fetish-related apparel on the way to a hotel or someone's home. Grandmother rule typically only applies in public spaces and is usually voided once the private area is entered. |
| Gray-A | Aka Grayce, Graysexual, Gray Asexual, may be spelled "grey" in some countries. This is an umbrella term for people on the Ace spectrum that includes but is not limited to people who: do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it occasionally; experience sexual attraction but have a low sex drive; experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them; can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances. |
| Grope Box | A narrow box large enough to fit a person inside. Holes along the sides of the box allow people outside to reach inside to touch or grope the person held inside the box. |
| Groping | The act of touching or fondling an individual. In the vanilla world this often refers to sexual touching that occurs without consent. In a BDSM context, this is consensual but is typically done in a way that humiliates the bottom and/or occurs when the bottom is bound and unable to move. |
| GSRM | Gender, Sexual, and/or Romantic Minorities. A less specific alternative to the various LGBT+ acronyms. It has been used in some quarters to justify pedophilia under the claim that it is "just another orientation". |
| Gun Play | Incorporating real or simulated firearms into a scene, often for roleplay or to create a sensation of fear. Use of a real gun often violates principles of a gun safety (always treat a gun as if it were loaded and never point a gun at anything you aren't willing to destroy) and is highly discouraged. Even blanks should not be fired at a person as they can result in injury or death. A gun combined with a threat of violence may be used during CNC play to "force" the bottom to cooperate with the top's demands. |
| Gunpowder Branding | A method of branding where gunpowder is poured in a continuous line or lines on the bottom’s skin in the desired shape. The powder is then ignited. This method is dangerous as once the powder is ignited, the burn happens too fast to interfere with it. Using too much gunpowder could result in serious injury or death. Using too little means the burn will heal without scarification of the tissue. Getting detailed, intricate designs is nearly impossible due to the heat going out in all directions even if the powder itself is in a neat line. |
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| Hair Bondage | When the hair is held or bound in such a way as to restrict the bottom's mobility, especially of their head. Often used for predicament play. Also done for the sensation it provides for the bottom or for the bottom's comfort (such as to keep their head in a certain position during other forms of bondage). |
| Handcuffs | Metal cuffs that lock around the wrists, usually connected by a chain but sometimes connected by a single hinge joint instead. Some handcuffs made for erotic play include padding around the cuff to protect the bottom's wrists. Handcuffs are often an entry-level bondage tool due to their ease of use and prevalence even among vanilla partners. |
| Handkerchief Code | A system by with a person can visibly signal their role to others via the color and positioning of one or more handkerchiefs. The term is strongly associated with the LGBTQ community but has expanded into the BDSM community as well. |
| Handler | Sometimes used to refer to the D-type in a pet play scene or dynamic |
| Hard Limits | Activities that an individual refuses to participate in. Performing an action that is a hard limit for the other player is a consent violation. |
| Harem | In a BDSM context: a group of s-types that all serve one or more D-types. The word traditionally includes connotations that the s-types are female and/or that the form of service is sexual in nature. |
| Hedonism | The pursuit of pleasure to the senses. |
| Heretic’s Fork | A type of posture collar. The collar has a double-sided fork connected to the front. The pointed ends reach under the bottom’s chin and into their upper chest so that any downward movement of the bottom’s head causes pain. Care should be exercised as an accident such as a slip and fall could cause the bottom to be impaled by the fork. It is recommended that the bottom not be held in any sort of bondage while using this device. |
| Hermaphrodite | An individual with full or partial reproductive organs associated with both males and females. This term is sometimes used scientifically when referring to the biological characteristics of other species but it often carries negative connotations when used in regards to people. The broader and more neutral term "intersex" should be used when referring to humans. |
| Heteroflexible | A sexual orientation where a person generally identifies as heterosexual but in specific circumstances but occasionally experiences attraction to or may be willing to engage in sexual contact with members of another gender. This could also mean a person is heteromantic but bi- or pansexual (or vice versa though it is rarely applied in reverse). |
| Hierarchy | In a polyamorous relationship, refers to an order of precedence among partners / relationships. ne partner will usually be designated the "primary" while additional partners will be "secondary". The primary partner / relationship takes priority over the secondary partners / relationships. This arrangement has the potential to turn toxic if the needs of the secondary partners are often ignored and/or the primary partner abuses their power. Some poly relationships eschew any hierarchy and treat all relationships equally. |
| High Frequency Beauty Devices | Cosmetic devices that use an extremely low electrical current to treat the skin and scalp. Some may be able to accept Violet Wand electrodes but typically deliver no discernable sensation or a minimal tingling sensation. Most are unsuitable for BDSM play but some unscrupulous vendors have tried to market these as Violet Wands. |
| High Protocol | This term has no universal meaning but generally refers to very formal D/s protocols where s-types are extremely deferential to D-types, such as speaking only when spoken to, not turning their backs to their D-type, etc. |
| Hijra | An Indian word for a third gender and associated sub-culture. Encompassed eunuchs and transgender people who perform a specific societal role, often as performers. Many live in all-hijra communities led by a guru. an Indian variation of the LGBT+ initialism is LGBTIH to explicitly include hijra. |
| Hobble Skirt | A very tight, narrow skirt that extends below the knees. Restricts movement when walking. |
| Hogtie | Bondage where all of the bottom’s limbs are tied together at the wrists and ankles, rendering them immobile. |
| HoH | Head of Household. The Dominant partner in a Domestic Discipline relationship. |
| Homoflexible | A sexual orientation where a person generally identifies as homosexual but in specific circumstances but occasionally experiences attraction to or may be willing to engage in sexual contact with members of another gender. This could also mean a person is homoromantic but bi- or pansexual (or vice versa though it is rarely applied in reverse). |
| Honor Bondage | A form of psychological bondage where the sub agrees to hold a certain position and behave as if bound even though no physical restraints are used. This can be useful for individuals who feel uncomfortable being physically restrained. Sometimes physical restraints are used but are designed to be easily escaped, such as the wrists being placed in a loop that the hands can easily slip out of. The practice is loosely related to the Gor sci-fi book series. |
| Hood | Generic term for a wide range of coverings for the head, often made from PVC or leathers. May have openings for ears, ears, nose, and/or mouth. |
| Horse | Bondage furniture similar to a sawhorse, consisting of a plank supported by two legs on each end. Bottom may be bent over the horse for play and/or bound to the horse. |
| Hotwife / Hothusband | Individuals (often D-types) who like to humiliate their partners by having sex with other people, often in front of their partners. Related: Cuckold; Bull / Cuckcake |
| House | In BDSM, this typically refers to a group of individuals who have grouped together in a dynamic or protection, similar to a kinky family. There is usually a head of the household who is usually D-type, but that does not mean that other house members are s-types. Using the house name is a convenient means for house members to indicate a shared relationship, similar to a married couple taking the same surname. Members of the same house may or may not actually share a residence. They may or may not all be part of a poly relationship. |
| HuBDSM | Pronounced "Hu-Bad-ism". Humanistic BDSM. Style of BDSM derived from the ethics of Humanistic Psychology or Humanism. Assumes that everyone’s desires are valid and then seeks to fill those desires in a manner that is ethical without causing harm to others. Encourages self-exploration, the viewing of ourselves using the “whole person” concept, and places a high degree of emphasis on safety. The hierarchy of needs and the concept of peak experiences were developed in Humanistic Psychology. |
| Human Furniture | A type of play where the bottom takes on the role of a piece of furniture, commonly a stool, table, or chair. This can be a means of objectification, humiliation, and can reinforce D/s roles. |
| Human Plate | Play where the bottom (usually s-type) takes on the role of a plate or tray, usually by laying flat and motionless across a table. Food is placed on the bottom’s body, which is usually naked or minimally-clothed. Other people take food off of the bottom to eat. Sushi and desserts are common food choices for this type of play. |
| Humiliation | A type of play that focuses on making the bottom feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. Depending on the top's style of humiliation, this could look serious to the point of appearing emotionally abusive to vanilla observers or it could include lots of light-hearted joking as if the bottom was being roasted. Humiliation has the potential to push the bottom to psychological / emotional limits and thus is considered a form of edge play. |
| Hypersexual | A person who experiences strong and frequent sexual urges, to a point that would be considered “excessive” by many non-hypersexual people. Previously used terms include Nymphomania (women) and Satyrsis (men). A hypersexual does not have to be bi/poly/pansexual and does not necessarily want sex with everyone they meet. Can sometimes be caused by other conditions or as a side effect of medication. |
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| Ice Branding | Aka Cold Branding or Freeze Branding. Skin tissue is damaged through extreme cold such a combination of ice and salt or metal cooled by liquid nitrogen. Typically results in semi-permanent brands. |
| Impact Play | Play where the top strikes the bottom with their hand, foot, other body parts, or an implement such as a cane, flogger, paddle, etc. Certain parts of the body such as the buttocks are generally safe to strike but other parts require extra caution or should be avoided entirely. |
| Infantilism | A type of age play where one individual (usually an s-type) roleplays as an infant or toddler. |
| Inflatable Gag | A gag with a rubber balloon that is inserted into the bottom's mouth. The balloon is then inflated to the desired size by the top. Some inflatable gags have butterfly-shaped balloons and are called Butterfly Gags. |
| Injection Scarification | Rare means of scarification created where a liquid such as rubbing alcohol is injected under the skin. Creates a mostly random scar design. |
| Ink Rubbing | When the skin is cut and tattoo ink is rubbed into the wound. The result is typically inconsistent and resembles a poorly-done tattoo. Some artists use red ink to avoid the tattoo look and emphasize the cutting. |
| Insta- | Insta- |
| Internal Electrode | An electrode or probe that attaches to a device designed for Electro Play (like a TENS unit or Violet Wand) and is intended to be inserted into the anus, vagina, or urethra of the bottom. There are butt plugs, dildos, and sounds made for this purpose. External electrodes should not be repurposed for internal use. "Glass" electrodes should me made from medical-grade non-UV quartz or other high-strength material to prevent them from breaking off inside the bottom's cavity. Internal violet wand electrodes can be covered with condoms to generate sparks inside the bottom. |
| Interrogation Play | Roleplay where the top seeks information from the bottom, which the bottom should attempt to protect. May involve physical and/or psychological interrogation techniques. |
| Intersex | A person with characteristics (usually chromosomes, gonads, genitals, or sex hormones) that do not fit into the typical binary gender categories. This can complicate which sex/gender a person is assigned at birth as most doctors will only assign a child to a binary gender and may even push for “corrective” surgery. Most people will never know if they are intersex as many intersex traits cannot be detected except through non-routine testing. |
| Invisible Protocols | A set of protocols that are designed to be "invisible" in front of vanilla observer. These protocols typically include very subtle phrases and acts that are not noticeable as being unusual by most people. Invisible protocols often exist for use in public but might also be used at other times such as in a home with children. |
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| Journal | A file or notebook in which a person captures their thoughts about a scene or a set period of time. Writing in a journal is often assigned to a s-type as a task as a ritual or for the D-type to read and gain greater insight into the s-type's thoughts, views, and personality. |
| Junior Top | A less-experienced D-type or Top that is playing under the supervision of a mentor or trainer. |
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| K9 Play | Canine Play. Play that involves either a dog or a person roleplaying as a dog. Roleplay as a dog is usually termed Puppy Play. Bestiality constitutes animal abuse as animals cannot consent, therefore this activity is not part of HuBDSM. Related: Animal Play; Animal Roleplay |
| Kajir | A supposedly Gorean term to refer to a mixed-gender group of slaves. Term is mostly used in online environments. |
| Kajira | A female slave who is part of a M/s dynamic that follows the Gorean tradition. Kajira are often marked with a "K" to denote their status either with body modification such as a brand or tattoo or with a piece of jewelry such as a necklace or bracelet. |
| Kajiri | A male slave who is part of a M/s dynamic that follows the Gorean tradition. Male Gorean slaves are relatively rare compared to female slaves. |
| Keenhole | The act or fetish of having sex with a person through a large-gauge hole in their earlobe. |
| Kef | Gorean term for a brand. In the Gor novels, a slave was supposed to be branded with a "K" on the outside of the left thigh. |
| Kemonomimi | Japanese for "animal ears". A person, usually female, portrayed with some animal-like characteristics, usually ears and a tail, as well as displaying personality traits of that animal. Popular in anime. Sometimes used as a variant of animal roleplay. Not to be confused with furries despite some superficial similarities. |
| Kinbaku | "Tight binding" or Kinbaku-bi "the beauty of tight binding". Often used interchangeably with Shibari. |
| Kink | The use of props, costumes, and roleplay to enhance partner intimacy. The term is sometimes used interchangeably with “fetish”. |
| Kink Shaming | The act of shaming or looking down on someone's kink/fetish because it seems unusual or undesirable. Kink shaming is unacceptable within the HuBDSM community. However, calling out legitimate safety or ethical issues should not be considered kink shaming. |
| Kink-Aware | Someone who is aware of BDSM and is non-judgmental. This term often applies to professionals. For example, a person in a BDSM dynamic who seeks therapy is recommended to find a "kink aware" therapist who will not judge them for consensual activities and can provide unbiased advice. |
| Kink-Friendly | Someone who is not a BDSM practitioner but actively supports people in the BDSM lifestyle. |
| Kinsey Scale | A method for describing sexual orientation. The scale rates attraction from 0-6. 0 is exclusively heterosexual and 6 is exclusively homosexual. Numbers in between represent varying levels of attraction or sexual activity with both binary genders. The Kinsey Scale does not account for asexuality or non-binary genders. |
| Kitchen Table | A style of non-monogamous relationships where all each partner is aware of their partners other partners. The idea is that the entire polycule should be friendly on comfortable sitting down at the kitchen table with each other. The opposite of a DADT relationship. |
| Knife Play | Use of a knife or similar implement to create sensations for the bottom. The skin can be cut or unbroken as desired. Fear of the weapon often plays a part in the bottom’s sensations. In CNC scenes the knife may be used with a threat of violence to "force" the bottom's cooperation. |
| Knotted Gag | Either a cleave gag, OTM gag, or OTN gag that includes a knot in the material. The knot is inserted into the bottom's mouth making it similar to a ball gag. |
| Kolar | An alternate spelling for "collar" used specifically by some Gorean practitioners. |
| KSOG | Klein Sexual Orientation Grid. A survey that attempts to measure sexual orientation by utilizing past, present, and ideal activity. However, it fails to account for asexuality or non-binary genders. |
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| Layered Gag | When more than one gag is applied at once, such as an OTM or OTM gag being tied over the top of a ball, cleave, or knotted gag. |
| Leak Detector | A tesla-coil transformer device superficially similar to a Violet Wand toy but is inferior in terms of quality. Some may accept violet wand electrodes but should not be considered acceptable or safe substitutes. Some unscrupulous vendors have tried to market leak detectors as violet wands. They are often identified by warnings like "Do not come into contact with the spark", "Do not operate for more than 10 minutes to prevent damage to the coil", and short-lived warranties (typically measured in months rather than a year or more). |
| Leash | A line, usually made of leather, nylon, or chain, that is attached to a collar. In BDSM, a leash is typically used to reinforce D/s roles, for Pet Play, or Breath Play with the right type of collar. |
| Leather Tradition | Often associated with gay leather culture that developed from post-WWII biker culture. Typically involves the wearing of leather, usually in a way the draws upon masculine associations with leather, and may incorporate leather into play. As with "high protocol" there is no single monolithic leather tradition. Rather, there are numerous traditions within the general leather sub-culture that were likely inspired at least in part by a common source. |
| Leatherman | An “Old Guard” D-type identified male who practices leather traditions. There are strong connotations of homosexuality with the term but not all leathermen are homosexual. |
| LGBT | Initialism with various iterations including LGBTQIAGNC, LGTQQIAAP+ and LGBTQQICAPF2K+. L = Lesbian, G = Gay, B = Bisexual, T = Transgender, Q = Queer, Q = Questioning, I = Intersex, A = Ally, A = Asexual, A = Agender, P = Pansexual, P = Polysexual, F = Friends & Family, GNC = Gender Non-Conforming, 2 = Two-Spirit, K = Kink (BDSM), and the "+" indicates that the initialism grows as needed to encompass marginalized genders and orientations. Regardless of the exact combination of letters, this term encompasses the community of individuals who are not cisgendered and heterosexual. LGBTIH is specific to India and covers the hijra. LGBT, LGBT+, LGBTQ, etc are all common shorthands for the longer initialism. |
| Lifestyler | A BDSM practitioner that immerses themself in BDSM and often includes BDSM elements into their daily lives. They will often enter into BDSM-centric relationships. Lifestylers come in all roles and orientations. |
| Limits | Activities or topics that a player feels strongly about. Limits are usually restrictions on the types of activities that can be conducted with that player. All players can and should have limits. Categories of limits include soft limits, hard limits, requirement limits, time limits, and universal limits, ,with hard and soft limits being the most common ones discussed during BDSM negotiations. |
| Little | Typically the s-type in a CG/little dynamic. The little typically behavior of someone younger than their actual chronological age and takes on the role of a child within a relationship. However, littles are adults, not actual children. |
| Looning | Incorporating balloons into play or sexual activity, often by popping balloons. Some variations incorporate bubblegum bubbles instead of latex balloons. Some people place balloons in their mouths which can present a choking hazard. A person with a fetish for looning is a “looner”. |
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| M/s | Master/slave. This is considered a deeper (but not better or worse) form of D/s. M/s dynamics tend to be characterized by rituals, protocol, and s-types that rarely question or disobey orders. One way to describe the difference between a sub and a slave is: "a sub chooses to submit every time an order is given; a slave submits once and every act of obedience after that comes naturally". M/s dynamics still follow the rules of consent. Limits and safewords apply and either player can withdraw consent or leave the relationship at any time. |
| Mahu | A "third gender" term used by Hawaiians and Tahitians. Refers to someone in between a man and a woman or someone of indeterminate gender. |
| Manga | Comics drawn in a Japanese style but are typically written in English. Popular style choice for stories involving sex/BDSM. The animated version is Anime. |
| Masochism | The act of receiving pain for the purpose of pleasure or gratification. |
| Masochist | An individual who enjoys receiving pain |
| MaST | Master and Slaves Together. A family or group of people that support the M/s dynamic together. |
| Master/Mistress | The D-type in a M/s dynamic. These can also be used as titles for a D-type even when not part of a M/s dynamic. |
| MDLB | Mommy Domme/Little Boy. A CG/little dynamic with an identified female D-type and an identified male s-type. |
| Medical Gag | A medical device intended to hold the bottom's mouth open while allowing access to the mouth, such as a Whitehead or Jennings Gag. |
| Medical Play | Roleplay where the top typically takes on the role of a medical professional and the bottom assumes the role of the patient. The scene is usually played out with a medical theme and may use medical instruments as props. |
| Megasexual | The inability to form a romantic or strong emotional bond until after a sexual connection is established. The opposite of Demisexual but different from Fraysexual. On the Aro spectrum. |
| Mentee | A person of any role who is receiving education and guidance from a more experienced BDSM player called the Mentor. Being a mentee does not indicate the a person is inexperienced, uneducated, or unskilled, only that they have less experience in one or more areas than their mentor. Seeking help and guidance is not viewed negatively in HuBDSM and is actually regarded as a sign of maturity and responsibility. |
| Mentor | A person or any role or orientation who guides and teaches someone else that is less experienced in the BDSM lifestyle, often helping them with vetting, negotiation, figuring out their role, etc. A mentor is not someone who provides one-off blocks of instruction, such as someone teaching a workshop. A mentor should be a life coach for kink. |
| Mentorship | When a more experienced BDSM player takes a newer player under their wing to provide education and guidance. There should be no romantic relationship or D/s dynamic between Mentor and Mentee. It's possible for a Mentee to have multiple Mentors, especially if each one specializes in different aspects of BDSM that the mentee is interested in. |
| Metagender | A sense of gender that does not align neatly with cis- or transgender. This more commonly applies to people who are gender-fluid, non-binary, or agender but there are no set genders that are always metagender. They usually fit into the technical definition of transgender but the person does not feel that the transgender label fits their identity and experiences. |
| Metamour | In a polyamorous relationship, a person's metamour is the partner of their partner, but metamours are not in a romantic relationship with each other. In a "V" style dynamic, the metamours would be the two people on the top ends of the "V". |
| Middle | A Little who identifies with or exhibits a younger mindset and/or behaviors, but feels more like a teen or pre-teen than a typical little, which tend to emulate young children. |
| Misgender | Deliberately calling someone by gendered terms other than the gender they identify as. This is usually used in regard to TG individuals to shame them by calling them by their ASAB instead but can also be used to insult cisgendered people (usually masculine women or feminine men). HuBDSM does not support misgendering or other forms of gender shaming. |
| Miswired Masochist | Used in some BDSM circles for a masochist who is able to achieve orgasm through pain alone. However, the use of "miswired" might cause a person to feel that there is something wrong with their enjoyment and thus should not be used to label someone who is not comfortable with this term. Many people eschew this term entirely since by definition a masochist already enjoys pain. |
| MOGAI | Marginalized Orientations, Gender Identities, And Intersex. An acronym that originated on Tumblr in an attempt to be more inclusive and less specific than the variants of LGBT+. An alternate version is MOGII, which is easier to pronounce. The term does not appear to have gained traction due to co-opted by various sub-cultures that have decided that any unusual fetish counts as a "marginalized orientation". |
| Mummification | Bondage where the body of the bottom is partially or completely enveloped in a material such as plastic wrap, bondage tape, bandages, or other materials, resulting in the bottom being almost completely immobilized. Care should be taken not to block the airways and to ensure the bottom can still use a safeword or safety signal as needed. Circulation needs to be supervised during mummification. There should be a means to quickly release the bottom in an emergency, such as keeping a set of safety shears nearby. |
| Munch | A BDSM social event, often at a public venue where food is served. Typically, no play/scenes occur at the munch. Events that include alcohol are sometimes called “wet munches”. Emphasis is usually on getting to know other people in the community. Treating munches like a dating scene or "meat market" is typically frowned upon unless that is an explicit theme of the munch. Online meetings are sometimes called “virtual munches”. |
| Mutilation | Mutilation is similar to body modification but occurs when the act is performed without the fully-informed consent of the individual or when it is performed in a manner that is harmful to the recipient. Self-mutilation blurs the line with ethical body modification. However, self-mutilation is usually something that the person is ashamed of whereas body modifications tend to be a source of pride and are often reflections of the person's identity. Mutilation is a form of abuse or self-harm and is not part of HuBDSM, even if the same act under different conditions might be considered valid BDSM play. |
| Muxe | Muxes are a Mexican third gender. Muxe is also a possible pronounciation for "Mx", a gender-neutral alternative to the traditional Mr/Ms/Mrs titles (Mix is also an accepted pronounciation). |
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| Nailing | CBT in which nails are hammered through the scrotum. When only the skin of the scrotum is pierced, the resulting injury is minor so long as it does not get infected. However, nails should not be driven into the testicles or penis. |
| NDCS | Naked Dom Clothed Sub. A type of humiliation play that reverses the more typical CDNS. The idea is to make the s-type uncomfortable by being in a different state of dress than the D-type. |
| Needle Play | When the top pierces the skin of the bottom with one or more needles. This can be a form of S/M, Blood Play, Medical Play, and/or the needles might be arranged in aesthetically-pleasing designs. The piercings are typically temporary and last only for the duration of the scene. |
| Negotiation | The process by which the terms of a dynamic or scene are agreed upon. All participants discuss desires, limits, triggers, safewords, safety protocols, and other issues that will affect the scene. All participants, whether D-type, s-type, or other roles, are on equal footing during the negotiation. It is key that each person is able to speak freely at this time. A good negotiation limits the chances for misunderstandings and unintended consent violations. |
| Neko | Aka Neko Girl or Cat Girl or Nekomimi, Japanese for "Cat Ears". Sub-category of Kemonomimi. A person, usually female, portrayed with some cat-like characteristics such as ears and a tail and a cat-like personality. Popular in anime. Sometimes used as a variant of animal roleplay. Similar to but not to be confused with furries. |
| Nesting Partner | A partner that a person cohabitates with. May or may not be considered that person's primary partner. |
| Neurodiverse | A concept where neurological differences are to be recognized and respected as any other human variation. These differences can include those labeled with Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Dyscalculia, Autistic Spectrum, Tourette Syndrome, and others. A neurodiverse person is one who is affected by such a neurological difference. Neurodiversity does not prevent someone from engaging in BDSM so long as they are able to provide informed consent. However, some play may have to be modified or avoided to account for how such play may affect the individual. |
| Neutrois | Someone who identifies as a neutral gender. |
| NMK | Not My Kink. This is a phrase used to signify that someone is not interested in a certain activity without degrading or passing judgment on people who do participate in that activity. |
| No Limits | A type of play or dynamic where one player (usually s-type) declares that they have no limits and offer themselves completely to the other player. Most common in 24/7 TPEs or during CNC play. This is wishful thinking at best as most people have some practical limit (such as no amputations, permanent injury, death, etc) and potentially dangerous at worst. Individuals who engage in no limits play should still use safewords to allow a player to communicate if something is wrong. True no limits play (where even mutilation is possible and no safewords are used) is not recognized as part of HuBDSM, though it is acceptable for s-types to declare that all non-harmful/non-injurious activities are on the table while using safewords. |
| Nostril-Strap | A strap with two hooks, which are inserted into the nostrils. This bondage device is often used to force the bottom's head into an uncomfortable position. |
| NRE | New Relationship Energy. A strong, almost giddy feeling of excitement and infatuation common in the beginning of any new romantic relationship. |
| Nyotaimori | The practice of eating sushi or sashimi off of the body of a naked female model. Nantaimori describes the same practice using a male as the sushi platter. The female model is expected to remain silent and motionless. Guests are typically expected to observe certain decorum including no lewd gestures or comments, no touching or talking to the model, and food should be removed from the model using chopsticks, though some events may have different rules. Food is typically placed on leaves so as to not be in direct contact with the model’s body. |
| O | Return to Top |
| Odaxelagnia | Arousal/gratification from biting or being bitten. Hard bites can leave bruises or draw blood. A handful of areas such as the genitalia require caution but most locations on the human body are safe to bite with reasonable force. The collar bone, neck, lips, thighs, butt, breasts, and wrists are "hot spots" that typically allow for intense and sensual bites. |
| Old Guard | Based on leather traditions that evolved in 1950s primarily from bikers and veterans of WWII. Old Guard traditions have a series of protocols and rules, such as D-types/tops lead the conversation, s-types/bottoms walk to the left and just behind their D-type/top, s-types are not allowed to have collars unless given one by the D-type, etc. The term "Old Guard" is sometimes romanticized within the BDSM community but in practice is sometimes elitist, seeing other traditions as not being the "true" way to practice BDSM. |
| One Penis Policy (OPP) | A non-monogamous dynamic where the male can sleep with multiple women but his female partners are expected not to sleep with other men. Having other female partners is usually considered acceptable. This is typically looked down on by the poly community as it is an indicator of insecurity and creates a tendency to treat the women as sex objects. Such policies also tend not to account for transgender or non-binary people. |
| Open Relationship | A type of ethical non-monogamy. Typically refers to a relationship model where partners are exclusively romantic to each other but have other sexual partners. Open relationships are not "free for alls" but have their own rules agreed on by the partners. |
| Orgasm Control | When the bottom is not allowed to orgasm without permission from the top, usually part of D/s play but might also be used to enhance pleasure for the bottom (edging). |
| Orgasm Denial | Also called Tease and Denial. A form of play where the top keeps the bottom in an aroused state but does not allow the bottom to achieve orgasm. |
| OTK | Over-the Knee. A subset of spanking where the bottom is literally placed over the knee of the top, similar to a parent disciplining a child. |
| OTM Gag | Over-the-Mouth Gag aka Detective Gag. A simple gag (often just a scarf or piece of tape) that is applied over the mouth of the bottom. While common in media, this type of gag is not very effective and can be easily dislodged. The bottom's speech can be more effectively muffled by inserting material such as a rolled up cloth into the mouth prior to covering it. This presents a possible choking hazard, especially when combined with other sexual or BDSM activities. |
| OTN Gag | Over-the-Nose Gag aka Bandit Gag. Similar to the OTM Gag except that it covers the nose as well as the mouth. Only breathable material should be used for this purpose. Like the OTM gag, it is not very effective. |
| Owner | The D-type in a D/s dynamic where the s-type is objectified or treated like property, such as a pet, furniture sub, or slave. |
| Ownership Collar | A collar that symbolizes ownership of the s-type by the D-type. This is most common in Master/slave relationships. An ownership collar is sometimes considered to be the equivalent of (or even more important than) a wedding ring. |
| P | Return to Top |
| Paddle | An implement with a broad flat surface that is used to strike the bottom (usually on the buttocks) during Impact Play. Stiff paddles such as those made from wood typically generate Thuddy Pain but some flexible paddles such as silicone paddles can generate Stingy Pain or even a combination of both pain types at once. |
| Paddling | Impact play where the top strikes the bottom with a Paddle. |
| Pain Slut | A masochist who strongly desires pain and has a relatively high pain tolerance |
| Panic Attack | Aka Freakout. When the bottom panics during play, triggering a fight-or-flight response. During bondage, this requires quickly releasing the bottom. In some types of play, such as a surprise takedown, a panicking bottom may fight back and injure the top. Safewords and easing into new types of play can mitigate panic attacks. |
| Pansexual | An orientation where one is attracted to all genders or to people regardless of their gender identity. |
| Passing / Passable | Aka “going stealth”. A transgender person who is perceived as a person of their gender. It can be used in a deragotory manner. The term "passing" can incorrectly imply that a TG person doesn't actually "belong" as a member of their gender. The inverse "non-passing" can also be used to shame TG individuals that do not visually conform to another person's preconceived notions based on gender. HuBDSM does not condone shaming individuals based on their appearance or gender. |
| Pegging | Anal play where the top penetrates the bottom’s anus with a strapon dildo. It traditionally refers to this activity being performed between a female top and a male bottom but is not limited to those genders. |
| Penis Gag | A gag containing a rubber or silicone bulb resembling an erect penis, which is inserted into the bottom's mouth. This is different from a dildo gag, where the dildo extends away from the bottom for use by the top, though some gags include both. Some gags have holes through the phallus to allow the introduction of fluids and double as funnel gags. |
| Perceptual Deprivation | A means to create psychological effects similar to sensory deprivation. Instead of removing or minimizing stimuli, the bottom is deliberately exposed to repetitive or unchanging stimuli. For example, instead of muffling sounds through earmuffs, the bottom might be exposed to a bland and repetitive background noise. |
| Percussion | Type of impact play where the bottom is struck with a blunt and relatively heavy implement. |
| Period Play | Blood Play involving an AFAB who is menstruating. This typically takes the form of performing oral sex or unbarriered penetration of the menstruating partner's vagina. Some people use the blood to "paint" their own body or the body of their partner(s). |
| Permanent Collar | A type of ownership collar that is intended to be permanently worn by the s-type. It might simply be a collar that the s-type is instructed not to remove (except when required by safety or to protect the collar from damage), it might be a collar that includes a locking device, or it might be a permanent mark such as a tattoo around the neck. |
| Pervertible | A common "vanilla" object that is used for a kinky purpose, such as using a spatula as an implement for Impact Play or using a sleeping bag for Encasement/Mummification. |
| Pet | The s-type in a Pet Play scenario/dynamic. This can also be used as an alternative s-type title, usually in a M/s dynamic as this objectifies the slave. |
| Pet Play | A type of D/s roleplay in which the sub takes on the role of a pet, usually a dog or puppy (sometimes called Puppy Play). The s-type is typically called a Pet or Puppy (but other titles are possible) and the D-type usually becomes the Handler or Owner. |
| Pick Up Play | A form of casual play that usually takes place at a play party or public dungeon. The play is not planned in advance. One player "picks up" another to participate in a BDSM scene. |
| Play Collar | A collar that is intended to be worn during a BDSM scene. Play collars can be worn casually with no connotations of ownership. Play collars might also be used by owned s-types in order to protect their ownership collar from unnecessary wear or damage. |
| Play Partner | Play partners are individuals that engage in BDSM activity together for one or more scenes/sessions but do not have an ongoing kink dynamic or romantic relationship. |
| Play Party | A BDSM social gathering where multiple people may engage in individual scenes at the same time. While play is allowed, participants are not required to play with any specific individual or even to play at all. Some people attend to socialize, observe, and/or learn. |
| Polyamory | Sometimes shortened to "poly". A relationship model that is not restricted to two people. In most poly relationships, each person can have more than one partner, though in some models only one person can have multiple partners. A poly relationship could include any combination of kinky and vanilla (non-kinky) partners. "Poly" is sometimes used colloquially in reference to any non-monogamous relationship, even those that aren't technically polyamory, such as swinging. |
| Polycule | A connected network of people in non-monogamous relationships. The term apparently likens such a network to a model of a chemical molecule, which uses lines, circular shapes, or symbols to indicate bonds between atoms. |
| Polyfidelity | A type of polyamory where all members of the poly group may date and have sex with each other but not with anyone outside of the poly group. |
| Polysexual | An orientation where a person is attracted to multiple genders. Not to be confused with polyamorous. |
| Popper | Slang for Amyl Nitrate, an antihypertensive medicine. In addition to medical uses, it can be used as a recreational drug. It is reported to have a euphoric effect on the user. Some claim that it enhances their orgasm. One of its effects is to relax involuntary muscles, which causes some people to use it prior to anal play. |
| Post-Orgasm Torture | Continued sexual stimulation of the bottom after orgasm. This can result in the bottom feeling overstimulated or can even be painful. This can result in forced orgasms if the bottom is capable of multiple orgasms within a short refractory period. |
| Posture Collar | Large stiff collars that cover most of the neck. Posture collars are designed to restrict neck movement and improve posture. |
| Power Exchange | The foundation of a D/s scene or dynamic. One player transfers power/authority/decision-making to another player. How much power is exchanged is decided during negotiations. |
| Predator | The top in a primal scene. Often characterized by a desire to hunt, bite, scratch, etc. |
| Predicament Bondage | Bondage that offers the bottom a choice between two or more undesirable choices. For example, the bottom might be bound in a position that is uncomfortable to maintain but moving from that position might also be uncomfortable or painful. This also adds a psychological element to the play. |
| Predicament Play | A type of humiliation play where the bottom (usually s-type) is forced to choose between two undesireable options. For example, they may be forced to choose between eating vomit-inducing food or not being allowed to achieve orgasm. |
| Press | Two flat pieces, often made of wood, which are placed on either side of a sensitive area such as a nipple or the testicles and tightened via a screw mechanism to compress the part and inflict pain. Care should be observed not to overtighten the press. May be known by a more specific name such as Nipple Clamps, Ball Crusher, etc. |
| Prey | The bottom in a primal scene. Often characterized by being hunted, bitten, scratched, etc. |
| PRICK | Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink, safety protocol that is derived from RACK. Personal Responsibility means that all participants, regardless of role, take responsibility for their part in a scene. Informed means all participants are aware of what is going to happen during play, what risks are involved, and how those risks can be mitigated. Consensual means all participants have affirmatively consented to all actions and play that will occur. PRICK is the protocol that best aligns with the principles of HuBDSM. |
| Primal | Play or a dynamic that is very raw and animalistic in nature, though it does not have to include animal roleplay. Primal play is often characterized by activities like scratching and biting. Primal dynamics are usually based on displays of dominance rather than protocols, though individuals in dynamics with stricter protocol can also engage in primal play. Sometimes one player is the predator who "hunts" or "attacks" the other player (the prey), but this does not have to be the case. |
| Primary Partner | In a relationship hierarchy, the primary partner takes precedence over other partners and typically gets a “veto” in certain areas, such as saying no to new partners. |
| Private Play | Play at a private residence, hotel, or similar location where there are no third party observers. Related: Public Play |
| Pro-Dom(me) | A professional Dominant (usually a woman) who charges money for engaging in BDSM activities with clients. While this is a transactional dynamic, it is different from prostitution in that many professionals will not engage in sexual activities with their clients. |
| Pro-Sub | A professional submissive who charges money for engaging in BDSM activities with clients. Pro-Subs are much rarer than Pro-Doms because being a submissive places one in more compromising positions and thus greatly increases the level of risk for the professional. |
| Pronouns | Substitutes for nouns. A means to refer to an individual other than by name or description. They/them are the default pronouns in HuBDSM due to their gender inclusiveness. Using the correct pronouns for an individual validates and reaffirms that person's identity. Some individuals, particularly some s-types, eschew the use of personal pronouns and refer to themselves in the third person as a means of objectification. |
| Prostate Milking | Repeated stimulation of the prostate of an AMAB bottom with a dildo, butt plug, finger, penis, or other toy in order to cause ejaculation, often done without touching the penis. |
| Protection Collar | A collar that signifies that the s-type is under the protection of a D-type or house, even though the s-type is not owned or in a dynamic with the protector who issued the collar. |
| Protector | An individual (usually a D-type) that watches over the safety and well-being of an s-type at events, particularly during negotiations and scenes, without being involved in a D/s dynamic with that s-type. |
| Protocols | A formal set of rules, typically governing interactions between D-types and s-types either within a dynamic or at a social event. |
| PSL | Pumpkin Spice Latte. A euphemism for embarrassing kinks that a person keeps secret for fear of being shamed. Stems from the vanilla shaming of people for enjoyment of pumkin spice lattes. |
| Psycholagny | Aka Psychic Orgasm. The ability to achieve orgasm from mental stimulation with no or minimal physical stimulation. |
| Psychological Bondage | Aka Mental Bondage. When the bottom is held forced to remain immobile due to a psychological element, such as obeying orders or being surrounded by something the bottom has an aversion to, rather than by physical restraints. |
| Psychological Play | Any sort of play where the primary component is psychological/emotional rather than physical. Examples include D/s and Humiliation. |
| Public Play | Play that occurs in front of others, typically at a play party or dungeon. Public play can be part of exhibitionism or a workshop. It also tends to be safer for the players due to the presence of others who can intervene if needed. Some people only engage in casual play in a public setting. Related: Private Play |
| Punishment | A form of Discipline applied within a D/s dynamic. Just as in the vanilla world, punishments are applied as negative reinforcement when the s-type does something wrong, such as disobeying the D-type or breaking a rule. Punishments do not have to be painful but are something that is undesirable to the s-type. Punishments that are actually enjoyed by the s-type are usually playful rather than actual disciplinary actions and are often referred to as "funishments". Punishments should not be applied for use of the safe word or not obeying an order that would violate the s-type's limits. |
| Pup Mitts | Leather mitts that envelopes the hand and fingers, turning the hand into a soft leather "paw". Typically used of puppy play or other forms of animal roleplay. Also prevents use of the bottom's fingers, which can be useful for bondage. |
| Pushing Limits | Pushing limits is almost always done with soft limits. Hard limits can't be ethically pushed unless approached in a way that actually causes the individual to rethink them and redesignate them as soft limits. Pushing a limit typically refers to the process of gradually introducing a player to something they are not comfortable with and allowing them to slowly acclimate. Over time, this may cause the player to be comfortable enough to remove that item as a limit. Limits should never be pushed without specific negotiations and the consent of all individuals involved. |
| Q | Return to Top |
| Quad | A poly relationship consisting of four people, who each have a relationship with one or more of the other members of the quad. |
| Queening | When a top who identifies as female sits on the face of a male bottom, typically in a way that allows oral contact with the anus or vagina. While this can be done solely for sexual pleasure or Humiliation, it is also performed by female D-types to reinforce the D/s roles. Since HuBDSM strives to be as inclusive as possible, "Facesitting" is preferred over "Queening" as the former does not carry any assumptions about gender or orientation, though using it inside a dynamic where the term is appropriate is acceptable. |
| Queening Stool | See Facesitting Stool. Queening Stool is a more common term at large but HuBDSM strives for inclusiveness, thus "facesitting" preferred as it does not carry any assumptions about gender or orientation. |
| Queer | An umbrella term for people who are not heterosexual and/or cisgender. This term is usually for self-identification, not as a label to be applied by others due to the homophobic history of the term, as it used to be used as a slur by cis-het people. |
| QUILTBAG | Queer & Questioning, Intersex, Lesbian, Transgender & Two-spirit, Bisexual, Asexual & Ally, and Gay & Genderqueer. Acronym intended as a fun alternative to the LGBT+ initialism. |
| R | Return to Top |
| RACK | Risk Aware Consensual Kink, a safety protocol that includes activities not covered by SSC. Risk Aware means that all players know the risks of the play they are about to participate in, can name the risks, and can describe how the risks will be mitigated. Consensual means all players agree to the play that is about to take place. |
| Rape Play | CNC play in which a consenting bottom roleplays an unwilling victim, who is “raped” by the top while feigning distress and sometimes resisting. |
| RBAMP | Relationship Broken, Add More People. A term used to describe the tendency of people to open a relationship, have a threesome/group sex, or switch from mono to poly in the hopes of fixing existing relationship problems. This tends not to be successful and usually makes the relationship worse. |
| Reciprosexual | Or Reciproromantic. On the Ace/Aro spectrum. When a person does not feel attraction towards another individual until after they know that the individual in question is attracted to them. |
| Red Flags | Signs or indicators that a partner or prospective partner is either not what they claim (such as a catfish) or that they are prone to abusive activities. |
| Relationship Anarchy | A philosophy or practice in which people are seen as free to engage in any relationships they choose. Spontaneity and freedom are desirable and no relationship should be entered into or restricted from a sense of duty or obligation. Any relationship choice is allowable. There may not always be a clear distinction between “partners” and “non-partners.” |
| Requirement Limit | A type of soft limit where the player lays out a specific requirement to engage in a certain type of play. For example, a player might agree to be humiliated during a scene so long as they are given longer than normal aftercare. |
| Resistance Play | Any type of play where the bottom consensually struggles against the top and is subdued by force. Often incorporated into CNC. |
| Restraint Bondage | Aka Device Bondage. The most common type of bondage, where the bottom has their movement limited by physical restraints such as cuffs, rope, specialized furniture, etc. |
| Rigger | A top who specializes in rope play, shibari, and/or suspension play |
| Ring Gag | A gag consisting of a large metal ring, often covered with leather, which is inserted into the bottom's mouth and forces it to remain open. Can allow for the insertion of fluids or other materials into the bottom's mouth. A sufficiently large ring can allow for the bottom to perform oral sex while gagged. |
| Ritual | A formal act or set of actions undertaken repetitively, usually designed to reinforce a D/s dynamic. The specific acts or frequency are up to the individuals in a given dynamic. The most common is a requirement for the s-type to address the D-type by an honorific such as Sir, Mistress, Owner, etc. |
| Roleplay | Taking on another role or persona for a scene. Similar to acting. For example, a couple could roleplay as complete strangers, animal roleplay involves one or more players pretending to be animals, a D-type might roleplay as a police officer arresting/searching the s-type, etc. |
| Romantic Orientation | Similar to sexual orientation but as relates to romantic relationships. For most people these two are the same but not for everyone. For example, an individual might have a heterosexual romantic orientation (they only date members of the opposite gender) but might be sexually attracted to both genders (making their sexual orientation bisexual) or all genders (pansexual). It is even possible to have a romantic orientation but be asexual. This is also a common distinction for heteroflexible or homoflexible oriented people. |
| Rope Bunny | Aka Rope Bottom. A person who enjoys being bound and/or suspended by rope. The term "bunny" tends to carry female connotations but it can technically apply to a person of any gender. |
| Rope Play | Play that involves rope for the purposes of bondage and/or suspension. Care must be taken during rope play not to tie the rope too tight as this can cut off circulation and/or cause nerve damage. |
| Royalty Chair | AKA "queening stool" (Royalty Chair being a gender-neutral variation) or “facesitting stool”. A low stool with an opening that allows for the top to comfortably sit down on the bottom's face without putting weight or pressure on the bottom's head. This allows the top to relax their pelvic muscles. A taller stool can be used for teasing / humiliation by putting the top just out of reach of the bottom's mouth, especially if the bottom is restrained. A Smotherbox is another variant of this. Can be used for toilet play. |
| RP Dom | A D-type that takes charge by roleplaying an authority figure during a scene. Examples include roleplaying as a teacher, boss, police officer, etc. |
| S | Return to Top |
| S-type | A catch-all term for the submissive partner in a D/s dynamic or a person who identifies as submissive whether or not they are in an active D/s relationship. This term does not assume gender, orientation, or title. The s-type cedes power to another player (D-type) in a scene or dynamic. Related: Sub; Submission; Slave; Pet; TiH; Thrall |
| S&M | Sadism and Masochism. A type of play where the top deliberately inflicts pain on the bottom. |
| Sadism | The act of inflicting pain for the purpose of pleasure or gratification. |
| Sadist | An individual who enjoys inflicting pain. |
| Safe Call | A prearranged call to a trusted friend to check in. Commonly used during initial meetings with someone. Missing a call should trigger action such as alterting the police, using a "find my phone" function, etc. |
| Safe Meeting Practices | A series of common-sense practices to increase safety when meeting someone for the first time. Applicable to BDSM and vanilla meetups. Practices include conversing prior to the meetup, using open-source search results on the person you are meeting, setting up safe calls, meeting in a public place, having a third party present, etc. |
| Safety Protocol | A systematic way of evaluating and negotiating play during negotiations to ensure safety and consent. The three most common protocols are SSC, RACK, and PRICK. PRICK is the preferred protocol of HuBDSM due to it placing responsibility on all participants and covering a wider array of activities than SSC. However, it is up to the individual players as to which protocol they choose to use. |
| Safety Signal | A nonverbal means for the bottom to tell the top to pause and check in or stop the scene entirely, usually used when the bottom is gagged or has a tendency to become nonverbal during scenes. A common method is to have the bottom hold an object, which is dropped if the bottom needs to stop the scene or call for a check-in. |
| Safeword | A verbal means for the bottom to communicate something specific to the top such as a need to pause and check in or to stop the scene entirely. A common safeword system is the "Traffic Light System". Safewords and their meanings should be defined during negotiations prior to beginning a scene. Plain English such as "stop" can be used as a safeword but this is often discouraged as these words can be confused with roleplay. In addition, safewords that don't fit with the scene can help snap the other partners out of their headspace. |
| SAM | Smart Ass Masochist. Can be used to refer to a masochist who displays bratty tendencies, who is sarcastic or playful without being disrespectful, and/or deliberately provokes the top/D-type/sadist into punishing the SAM. The term is rooted in the common conflation that masochist = bottom = s-type. |
| Scarecrow | A person (usually D-type) who enjoys the feeling of generating fear in others. |
| Scarification | The deliberate creation of scar tissue to create permanent or semi-permanent designs in the skin, usually by cutting, scratching/etching, branding, or burning the skin. |
| Scat | Scatophilia or Coprophilia. Play that involves defecation / feces. Related: Salirophilia |
| Scene | A BDSM scene is the setting and time period for which BDSM activity will take place between players. Not all BDSM activity must take place in a scene. Most notably, 24/7 dynamics by definition must extend outside of a given scene. A BDSM scene usually starts with negotiations, followed by the play itself, followed by aftercare, though players in ongoing dynamics have likely negotiated prior to entering that dynamic and do not need to negotiate every individual scene. |
| Scratching | The use of nails or an artificial aid such as a Bear's Paw or Vampire Glove to create sensations and/or draw blood on the skin of the bottom. |
| Secondary Partner | In a relationship hierarchy, the secondary partner typically still has greater demand for attention and affection than a tertiary but ranks below the primary partner in terms of precedence. Secondary partners typically do not have veto authority. |
| Sekrata | A third gender of the Sakalava of Madagascar. |
| Self-Bondage | The act of restraining or tying oneself up, often as part of masturbation. |
| Sennet Whip | Aka Bimmy. A single-tail whip that has been dipped in tar, wax, or a similar material to increase its weight and stiffness. |
| Sensation Play | A category of activities where the top attempts to impart specific physical sensations to the bottom, usually through the use of various toys/implements. This can range from sensual to sadomasochistic. This is different than psychological forms of play such as Humiliation. |
| Sensory Deprivation | When the bottom has the stimuli removed or reduced for one or more senses. This is sometimes done for its psychological effect but can also be a means to heighten whatever remaining senses are engaged during the scene. This is often combined with bondage so that the top can more readily control what the bottom is experiencing. |
| Sensual Dom(me) | A D-type that engages in sensual/sexual forms of play and focuses on the pleasure/gratification of the s-type. This term is also sometimes used interchangeably with Service Top by those who conflate topping with being Dominant. |
| Service | Acts, chores, or other tasks (sexual or otherwise) performed by an s-type to please their D-type. |
| Service Bottom | A bottom that is focused on the gratification of the top. May include engaging in play that they aren’t normally into but do so because the top enjoys that sort of play. Engaging in that play becomes another way to please the top, similar to what a Service Top does for the bottom. |
| Service Top | A top who focuses on the pleasure/gratification of the bottom. Usually associated with tops that provide sexual pleasure but can encompass other activities, even S&M, so long as the focus is on the bottom’s enjoyment. A service top is usually not a D-type and may be an s-type that is following the bottom's direction. |
| Service-Oriented Submission | A dynamic where the s-type primarily focuses on practical actions that somehow contribute to the relationship or to the D-type directly. For example: an s-type whose primary tasks are household chores, much like a maid. This could also mean the s-type must have a job and contribute financially to the D-type or the household. |
| Session | Another term for a scene but typically used in the context of a Pro-Dom(me) |
| Sexual Orientation | This label describes what genders an individual is sexually attracted to. For most people this is the same as romantic orientation but this is not true for everyone. For example, an individual might have a heterosexual romantic orientation (they only date members of the opposite gender) but might be sexually attracted to both genders (making them bisexual) or all genders (pansexual). It is even possible to have a romantic orientation but be asexual. This is a common distinction for heteroflexible or homoflexible oriented people. |
| Shemale | A derogatory term for a trans woman that is popular in the porn industry (typically a trans woman that is a sexual top as well) and among individuals who do not recognize the validity of transgender identities. This is not in line with the inclusiveness of HuBDSM and its use should be avoided. |
| Shibari | “To tie decoratively.” A Japanese style of bondage or BDSM which involves tying up the bottom using visually intricate patterns, usually with several pieces of thin rope. Asymmetric designs are common as are positions that are intentionally uncomfortable for the bottom. |
| Shinju | A rope harness often used in Shibari. Wraps around the body and the breasts but does not restrict movement in any way. |
| Sjambok | Short, heavy whip-like implement used for impact play, originally made of rhinocerous hide but now usuallym ade of plastic or rigid rubber. Typically about an inch wide at the handle end, half an inch wide or less at the striking end, and three to five feet in length. |
| Skin Removal | Scarification similar to cutting except that small strips of skin are cut away from the body and removed. The amount of skin removed should be limited and proper care is needed to mitigate the increased risk of infection. |
| Slave | This term can be an alternative label for an s-type but typically refers to an s-type in an M/s dynamic. One means of describing the difference between a sub and a slave is "a sub chooses to submit every time an order is given; a slave submits once and every act of obedience after than comes naturally". Slaves are often objectified. However, BDSM slavery is not literal chattel slavery. A BDSM slave can still withdraw consent for an act or scene and can leave the relationship entirely at any time for any reason. |
| Sleepsack | A bondage device similar to a sleeping bag but with various straps that can be cinched down to tighten it around the bottom's body. |
| Sling | Aka Sex Swing. A strap or seat usually made of leather, canvas, or nylon webbing, suspended by chains or cables from the ceiling. The bottom sits in the sling or lays belly-down to be arranged for easy availability to such activities as sexual intercourse, fisting, etc. Slings may include additional mechanisms to restrain the bottom and/or to keep the legs spread apart. |
| Smotherbox | Aka Smothering Box. A type of Facesitting Stool which includes a means to lock the bottom's head in place. The typical design is a small box with a hole cut on the side for the bottom's neck and another hole cut in the lid to allow the top's anus or genitalia to contact the bottom's face. Can also be used for Toilet Play. |
| Snowballing | When a partner takes semen into their mouth, then kisses their partner (usually the one who the semen came from) and transfers the semen to the other partner during the kiss. |
| Snuff | Fetish for killing someone or being killed. This is illegal and unethical to actually do, but it can be incorporated into roleplay. Snuff films are common urban legends but such films (when provided for viewing as snuff porn) are almost always fake. |
| Sockpuppet | Aka "alt". An extra account (usually on social media or online forums) that is not associated with the individual's primary account and does not contain any identifying information. Sometimes used online for trolling but also common in the BDSM and LGBT+ communities to avoid the stigma associated with being "outed" for their interests. |
| Soft Limits | Aka Conditional Limits. Activities that an individual is hesitant to participate in but might agree to under the right circumstances. A soft limit suggests “I normally won’t do this but you might be able to convince me.” Violating a soft limit is still a consent violation, just like breaking a hard limit. |
| Soiling | Salirophilia. When the top soils or dishevels the bottom, such as by tearing their clothing, messing up their hair or makeup, covering them with dirt or mud, or urinating/defecating on them. Related: Humiliation; Watersports; Scat |
| Solo Poly | AKA solo polyamory. When a person is their own “primary”. A fluid category that covers a range of relationships, from “free agent” who wants to play the field with casual, brief, no-strings-attached connections, to the seasoned “solo poly” who has deeply committed, intimate, and lasting relationships with one or more people. Some solo polys have relationships that they consider emotionally primary, but not primary in a logistical, rank, or rules-based sense, and others don’t want the kinds of expectations and limitations that come with a primary romantic/sexual relationship. |
| Sound | A medical probe used to increase the diameter of the urethra to check for obstructions or prepare for a genital piercing. In BDSM, sounds or similar objects are used for urethral play aka sounding. |
| Sounding | Aka Urethral Sounding. Sometimes used interchangeably with Urethral Play. When a rigid item called a Sound is inserted into the urethra of the bottom. Sometimes the bottom is brought to orgasm while the sound is still inserted. |
| Spanking | Impact play where the top slaps the bottom's buttocks with an open hand. |
| Spanking Glove | A glove typically made of leather or rubber, usually fingerless, to protect the top's hand during hard spanking. |
| Spider Gag | A type of Ring Gag where small rods are attached to the central ring to force the bottom's mouth and lips to remain open. |
| Spotter | A neutral party (not involved in the scene) who monitors the safety of the bottom during a scene, particularly when edge play or suspension is involved. |
| Spreader Bar | A bar/rod typically made of wood or metal with cuffs or attachment points at each end. The cuffs are attached to the wrists, knees, or ankles of the bottom to restrict movement and allow the top to have unimpeded access to certain areas of the bottom's body. |
| SSC | Safe Sane and Consensual. A safety protocol for BDSM that focuses on three questions: Is the activity safe? Is it sane? Do we all consent to this? Some people criticize this protocol for its subjectivity. What's sane to one person might seem crazy to another. There are also BDSM activities that are never considered "safe" such as Choking and therefore some people use RACK or PRICK instead. |
| St Andrew's Cross | Aka Diagonal Cross or X-Frame. An X-shaped frame, typically made from heavy wood, that a bottom can be bound to in a compromising position. |
| Stag / Vixen | Superficially similar to cuckoldry in that one partner (usually the vixen) engages in sex with another person while the other partner (usually the stag) watches. Stag and vixen play is done for the gratification of both partners whereas cuck play is a form of humiliation for the cuck. Also, it is not uncommon for the stag to eventually join the sexual encounter whereas the cuck usually does not except sometimes to engage in oral sex with one or more partners to “clean up”. |
| Stand and Model | Aka SAM. When a s-type is ordered to stand and present himself in leather. Associated with gay leather culture. |
| Steel Bondage | A style of bondage that exclusively uses metal restraints such as handcuffs, leg irons, chains, etc. |
| Stingy Pain / Thuddy Pain | Commonly used to describe sensations felt by the bottom during impact play. Many people have a preference for one type over the other. Stingy pain is characterized by a sharp stinging sensation that is highly-localized to the impact site. It is often inflicted by toys with smaller surface areas like canes or crops. Thuddy pain has a dull thudding sensation that is felt throughout the body. It is often inflicted by impact toys with a larger surface area such as paddles. |
| Storms' model | A two-dimensional scale for describing sexual orientation, similar to the one-dimensional Kinsey Scale. Storms' Model accounts for asexuality but not for non-binary genders. |
| Straightjacket | Heavy jacket, often made of canvas, with sleeves ending in long straps, which are wrapped around the jacket and fastened in place. Greatly limits the wearer's freedom of motion. Mock straightjackets typically have more wiggle room and are used for escape tricks but actual straighjackets are very difficult to escape from. |
| Strap-In | Dildo designed to be inserted into the bottom's vagina or anus and is then held in place by a strap or harness, sometimes equipped with a lock to prevent removal. |
| Strap-On | Dildo held in place on the top's waist/genital area by a harness, allowing the top to use it as if it were an organic penis. |
| Strappado | Bondage where the bottom has their hands/arms bound behind their back and a rope or chain is run from their wrists to a high point, which pulls their arms upward and forces their body to bend downward. |
| Strike Branding | Aka Hot Iron Branding. The most common form of branding, performed by pressing a heated piece of metal against the skin to create scar tissue. May be conducted with a single contact or through the application of multiple "strikes" with the metal against the skin. Thin metal should be used to create the brand as the resulting scar tissue will be several times the width of the original contact. Caution must be exercised not to cause excessive damage and burn through the skin entirely. |
| Stun Gun | A high-voltage low-current device intended for less-than-lethal self defense via pain compliance but is sometimes appropriated for electro play. Delivers electrical current through contact. Can be harmful or fatal, especially if overused. Newer devices have an automatic cutoff timer which increases but does not guarantee safety. Designed to work through light clothing and my cause burns on bare skin. Use of a stun gun constitutes Edge Play. Not to be confused with a Taser. |
| Sub Collector | The “player” of the BDSM world. A D-type who “collects” multiple s-types by claiming/collaring them, yet only paying attention to them when it is convenient, rather than seeing to their needs. This should not be confused with healthy polyamorous relationships where everyone's needs are recognized. |
| Submission | The act of voluntarily ceding power and authority to another person. |
| Submissive | Aka "sub". Refers to the submissive partner in a D/s dynamic or an individual who identifies as submissive even if they are not in an active D/s relationship. This term is often confused with being a bottom but a sub can be a top or bottom in a scene. |
| Subspace | AKA bottom space. The term "subspace" is far more prevalent but "bottom space" may be more accurate in many cases, especially when the resulting headspace is due to endorphins being released to counteract pain received as the bottom, which does not directly relate to submission. It's also possible to enter subspace purely from acts of submission, in which case "subspace" would be the more appropriate term. |
| Subspace | A a combination of psychological space and a change in blood flow and body chemistry that produces an altered headspace. This is achieved in part by the release of various chemicals in the brain as a result of BDSM activity. A vanilla equivalent would be a runner's high. A more accurate name would be "bottomspace" as one does not need to be an s-type in order to achieve the rush of chemicals leading to "subspace". |
| Sukaranbo | Aka Sukuranbo. A type of rope harness used in Shibari which wraps around the buttocks and upper thighs, passes between the legs and over the genitals (passing between the labial lips if the bottom has a vagina). May feature a knot at the place where it touches the clitoris (if applicable). Does not restrict motion. May even be worn under clothing so that as the bottom moves, the ropes slide over the genitals, resulting in sexual stimulation. |
| Suspension | A type of bondage where the bottom is suspended in the air, usually by ropes or chains. Care must be taken to ensure that the suspension device is securely attached to a suitable strong point that can bear the bottom's weight plus the added force of whatever other play might be incorporated into the scene. |
| Suspension Hook | Aka Flesh Hook. A metal hook that is inserted through the skin and used to suspend the bottom or alternatively to attach weights that are suspended from the bottom. A newer design called the Gilson Hook has a locking function to prevent the hook from slipping out of the skin and is able to support more weight than the typical hook design. |
| Suture Play | Use of sutures to temporarily sew parts of the body together. Commonly used as a form of chastity play, such as sewing the labia or the end of the foreskin shut. |
| SWERF | Sex Worker Exclusionary Radical Feminist. A member of the feminist movement who supports mainstream feminism but opposes sex work due to the belief that it is inherently oppressive under any conditions. This view may also apply to individuals who are Pro-Dommes, as the uninformed often see them sex workers. |
| Swinging | A form of non-monogamy where two couples will swap partners temporarily to engage in sexual activity. Unlike polyamory, there is no romantic attachment with the other partners. |
| Switch | A person who alternates between top/bottom or D/s roles. Enjoys both aspects of a given fetish or kink. In HuBDSM top/bottom is differentiated from Dominant/submissive, as such switch will be specifically indicated by the practice or role. Examples: D/s switch, top/bottom switch, pain switch, rope switch, and pony play switch. |
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| Taboo | Something that is restricted or prohibited by social or religious custom. Taboo does not mean an activity should not be enjoyed or is shameful. Activities should only be avoided when they are unethical, usually by means of actually harming another person. |
| Takedown | A scenario where the bottom is forcibly "taken down" and restrained by the top. Popular in CNC play. |
| Taser | A high-voltage low-current device intended for less-than-lethal self defense via muscular overstimulation but is sometimes appropriated for electro play. Fires electrodes that embed themselves in the skin, then delivers electrical current to incapacitate the individual. Can be harmful or fatal, especially if overused. Designed to work through light clothing. Use of a Taser constitutes Edge Play. |
| Tattoo Scarification | Use of a tattoo gun without ink or with an abrasive mixture to create a scar instead of a traditional tattoo. |
| Temperature Play | Sensation Play where changes in temperature are used to create sensations for the bottom. This is typically done through the application of hot or cold objects or materials but can also involve using the ambient temperature of the air or water (in the case of a bath or shower). |
| TENS Unit | Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation Unit. An electrical stimulation medical device that sends an electrical signal to targeted parts of the body, often as treatment for pain. In BDSM it can be used for electro play in order to create sensations in various parts of the body through internal or external electrodes. TENS units are usually safe to use but some people may have an allergic reaction to the adhesive found on some external electrode contact pads. |
| Teratophilia | Sexual attraction to monsters (i.e. mythical creatures) or to people with physical abnormalities |
| TERF | Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist. A subset of feminists who don't regard trans-women as women and don't feel that they should be allowed into female activities or fall under legal protections created for women. HuBDSM is an inclusive philosophy that does not support trans-exclusion by anyone (feminist or otherwise). |
| Tertiary Partner | A person in a relationship that is generally quite casual who expects little in the way of emotional or practical support, or is very limited with respect to time, energy, or priority in the lives of the people involved. |
| Tesla Coil | An electrical transformer. May look like a movie prop or science project. Violet Wands contain electrical coils similar to the tesla coil but other tesla coils are not suitable substitutes. They may lack the same safety protocols, may output different levels of current, and could result in injury or death. |
| They/Their/Them | The default pronouns within the HuBDSM community when a specific individual's preferred pronouns are not known. These carry no gender-based assumptions, and are valid when used as singular or plural terms. |
| Third Gender | An umbrella term for a number of words in various cultures used to describe a person that is not seen as a man or a woman. This should not be interpreted to suggest that there are only three genders as this term encompasses all words that a given culture historically used for non-binary genders. These terms are relatively common in non-Western cultures. A third gender term might encompass combinations of gender and sexual/romantic orientation. Since each third gender term is different with its own meaning, simply knowing that something is considered a third gender term does not provide any specific information so each one must be researched independently to be understood. |
| Thrall | A Nordic word for serf or slave. This is sometimes used to describe s-type players, particularly slaves or those in service to a Vampire D-type. |
| TiH | Taken in Hand. The submissive partner in a Domestic Discipline relationship. The term is generally used to refer to submissive female in a male-led monogamous marriage similar to traditional Christian marriages but is now sometimes applied to the submissive partner of any gender. |
| Time Limit | A type of limit where a set value of time is used, typically placing a restriction on the length of a scene. However, time limits can also be long-term, such as setting a time limit for a training period, consideration period, or even setting a time limit on the relationship itself at which point it is renegotiated and renewed. |
| Title | A means to address someone. Usually applied to D-types and s-types and usually only used by those within that dynamic (that is, an s-type is not expected to call a D-type by a title unless they are currently in a scene or dynamic with that D-type). Titles are entirely up to the personal preferences of those in a relationship/dynamic. While some titles are common to specific dynamics (like "Master" or "Mistress" indicating an M/s dynamic), individuals are not required to adhere to those norms. |
| TNG | The Next Generation. A tag that is often applied to groups that cater to younger BDSM players, usually in the 18-35 age range. |
| Toilet Play | Play where a bottom is used as a toilet by the top. The usually involves in urinating or defecating onto the bottom or into the bottom's mouth. |
| Toilet Slave | A bottom who is used as a toilet by the top. Sometimes this is restricted to urination, sometimes it applies to defecation as well. Related; Salirophilia; Watersports; Scat |
| Top | The person giving or performing an action. For example, in spanking the person who is administering the spanking would be the top. In the case of shibari, the person who is tying the rope would be the top. Topping is often associated with being Dominant but the two are not the same. A top could be a submissive or might not identify as a D-type or s-type at all. |
| Top Space | AKA Dom Space. The altered mental state usually accompanied with euphoria and heightened sense of self that is experience by a top or D-type during play. This is similar to the subspace but less common, partly due to different chemical releases and partly because the top or Dom is usually the more active partner in a scene and/or in charge, and thus must usually remain more focused and aware. |
| Topping From the Bottom | A derogatory term for a bottom who purports to be submissive but tries to take control of the scene and direct the top. This should not be confused with an identified D-type who is the bottom for a scene. |
| Torture | Inflicting pain, often focused on a specific body part. Examples include breast torture, cock-and-ball torture, nose torture, pussy torture, etc. |
| Total Enclosure | Aka Encasement. When the bottom is fully enclosed to include some sort of hood or facemask, usually in a suit, though vacuum beds are used as well. Bondage is usually incorporated as well. This tends to induce claustrophobia. Care must be taken to ensure the bottom does not asphyxiate. |
| TPE / Total Power Exchange | Aka Consensual Slavery. A type of D/s dynamic where the D-type assumes all authority and responsibility and the s-type voluntarily yields all power. It is possible for a TPE to only be in effect during certain times or occasions but it is usually a 24/7 dynamic. The D-type is still expected to respect the limits and safewords of the s-type as these are vital to the concept of consent. In some BDSM philosophies, people believe that the s-type in a TPE gives up all rights, including the ability to have limits and use safewords. This is contrary to the principles of HuBDSM and crosses the line from BDSM into abuse. |
| Traffic Light System | A common safeword system. “Yellow” means pause the scene and check in with the individual. “Red” means the entire scene stops immediately. “Green” is used during a check-in to signal in that everything is ok and play can continue. |
| Training | Education, instruction, and conditioning usually conducted by a D-type to prepare an s-type for certain types of play, instill rituals, etc. For example, slave training might involve learning protocols or certain positions to assume upon command. Anal training might involve the use of various-sized toys to improve the trainee's ability to receive anal play. A training period is sometimes also used as an extended vetting period to determine an s-type's suitability for long-term ownership. |
| Training Collar | A collar that signifies that the s-type is being trained by a D-type. This gives the s-type a taste of what a collar feels. Training collars are usually upgraded to ownership collars or permanent collars once the s-type’s training is completed. |
| Trampling | Play where the top physically steps on the bottom. The bottom may receive gratification from the pain and/or humiliation aspect of this play. |
| Tranny | A derogatory slang term for a transgender individual. Individuals from cis-het backgrounds might not be aware of its offensiveness but its use should be corrected when encountered. |
| Transgender | A person who identifies as a gender other than their AGAB. Being trans does not mean the person is homosexual. The term "trans man / trans woman" refers to a binary trans person's gender identity, so "trans man" would refer to an AFAB who identifies as male. A person who is attracted to a trans person does not have a different orientation than if they were attracted to someone of that same AGAB, so a hetero male who is attracted to a trans woman is still a heterosexual male. Calling such interactions bi / homosexual invalidates the trans person's identity and is not in line with the principles of HuBDSM. |
| Transsexed | Not to be confused with transexual or transgender. This is an outdated term that was applied to transgender people who have had GCS. This term should not be used unless a person chooses to label themselves as such. |
| Transsexual | Outdated term for a transgender person. Sometimes used to denote a person who has undergone gender affirmation surgery but this can be contentious as it implies a separate class of transgender people from those who have not undergone surgery. Transgender is typically the preferred term as transsexual implies that the label is related to sexual orientation. Some people may choose to call themselves as transsexual but other people should not be labeled as such without their consent. |
| Transvestite (TV) | This is an outdated term for a crossdresser. Crossdresser is the preferred term unless an individual specifically identifies as a TV. |
| Triad | AKA Delta. A poly relationship consisting of three people who each have a relationship with the other two partners. |
| Triskelion | The universal symbol for BDSM. |
| Two-Spirit | An umbrella term for Native Americans who fill a third gender role within their society. This is not interchangeable with "LGBT Native American". Not all Native American societies are equally accepting of third genders. This term should not be used to identify someone who is not a Native American or other aboriginal people. |
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| Unicorn | A bisexual woman who is interested in playing with or entering a poly triad with a male/female couple. Such women are dubbed "unicorns" as they are highly sought after yet rarely encountered, thus elevating them to the status of mythical creatures. |
| Unicorn Hunters | Slang for a male/female couple that is seeking a bisexual female (a "unicorn") to join them for a threesome or a poly triad. Such couples have developed a reputation for seeing bisexual women as objects of pleasure rather than partners in a relationship or dynamic. It is possible to such relationships to exist without objectifying the "third" but doing so requires overcoming significant obstacles such as jealousy and couple's privilege. |
| Universal Limits | Things that almost everyone considers out of bounds due to legal and ethical issues. Examples include sexual activity with children, animals, people who are unable to consent due to disability, intoxication, or other issues, people who have not given consent or withdrawn consent, or activities that would result in death. |
| Urethral Play | When a flexible or rigid item is inserted into the urethra of the bottom. This is usually but not always performed on a male bottom. This activity includes several risks such as irritation of the urethra, tearing of the urethra, and urinary tract infections. Related: Sounding |
| Urtication | When the nettle plant is used to inflict pain. It can be used as an implement to strike the bottom but other means are possible, such as requiring the bottom to sit on nettles. |
| Utility Gag | A Forniphilic Gag with a "useful" attachment that allows the bottom to perform a utilitarian task. An example would be a gag with an attached toilet brush that allows the bottom to scrub a toilet with their face. This is often used as a form of Humiliation Play and to reinforce D/s dynamics. |
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| Vacuum Bed | Bed or table with a rubber sheet that completely covers the bottom. Vacuum pressure is applied to cause the sheet to press the bottom against the bed, rendering them immobile. Breathing is accomplished through a small tube that is inserted into the bottom's mouth. Use of this device is dangerous due to the risk of asphyxiation and a bottom should never be left unattended in a vacuum bed. |
| Vampire Glove | Aka Cat's Paw. A glove or mitt that has sharp tacks or tines protruding to allow it to puncture the skin and draw blood. Some variants have thick fur that visually obscures the tacks. |
| Vampire Tradition | A dynamic or sub-culture based on popular mythology surrounding vampires. Many variations of vampire stories exist and so like other types of relationships every vampire dynamic can be different. Many vampire dynamics involve Blood Play but this is not required. Some Vampire players sharpen their teeth or wear prosthetic fangs. Some vampire traditions believe in "psychic vampires" that "feed" on the energy of another player as opposed to the more traditional "sanguine vampires". As with all BDSM, vampire traditions emphasize consent and even psychic vampires do not feed on others without consent. |
| Vanilla | A term used to describe activities not related to BDSM or individuals who do not participate in BDSM activities. |
| Veto | Refers to the power of a person, usually a primary partner in a hierarchical arrangement, to "veto" new partners, dates, specific actions, etc. Veto authority carries the potential for abuse and should be used carefully. |
| Vetting | The “dating” period where two players get to know each other prior to entering into a dynamic. Vetting can also be carried out prior to participating in a casual scene though the vetting period is often consistently shorter. |
| Vicarphilia | Vicarious enjoyment of someone else's sexual stories |
| Violet Ray | The medical ancestor of the modern Violet Wand toy. These devices are antiques and are primarily desired by collectors. They do not include the modern safety features of a violet wand, are ungrounded, were manufactured prior to modern electrical safety standards, and may be in various states of deterioration. They should never be used for play. |
| Violet Wand | An electrical transformer specifically designed for use on people during electroplay. Violet wands should be safe but manufacturing defects in some models could create hazards. Some people use a ground fault circuit interrupter for safety. The wand allows varying currents to be applied to the bottom with a variety of attachments to create sensations ranging from sensual to painful. Some devices can be used for branding. Should be able to run for at least an hour without harm to its coils. Devices with warnings not to run for more than ten minutes are common scams using Leak Detectors. Despite the name, violet wands do not emit any significant UV radiation. |
| Vore | Short for “vorarephilia”. A desire to be consumed alive or consume someone else, usually while they are alive. Sometimes vore fantasies involve literally consumption of the flesh while other times they may be centered around being swallowed whole or even consumed through another orifice, such as a reverse birth. This fetish is almost always carried out through roleplay. |
| Voyeurism | Arousal from watching another person, usually while naked or having sex but in a BDSM context this could also include watching other people engage in BDSM play. Voyeurism is acceptable when done with consent but not when people are spied on without their knowledge. |
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| Warm Up | The period at a start of a scene which involves more gentle play, allowing the bottom to begin endorphin production, enter subspace, and undergo physiological changes (such as bringing fluids to the surface) that will accommodate more intense play. The top may transition sharply from a warmup to more intense play or may gradually increase the intensity throughout the warmup period. Warmups are common practice but are not required unless stated as a requirement by one of the players during negotiations. |
| Wartenberg Wheel | A medical device consisting of a handle with a wheel on one end that has pins/spikes evenly-spaced around its radius. Originally used to test nerve reactions. Commonly used in sensation play. |
| Watersports | Play that involves urine, often as a form of Humiliation Play. Related: Golden Shower; Salirophilia |
| Wax Play | Temperature Play where the top drips hot wax onto the bottom. Candles are common but some types produce temperatures which are unsafe for BDSM play. Other materials should not be substituted unless their properties are known and are established as safe for use on skin. For example, using melted gummy bears has resulted in serious burns. Wax melted in a bowl must be stirred regularly to prevent unsafe "hot spots". Care should be taken not to splatter hot wax into the eyes. Application of mineral oil prior to wax play can make removal of dried wax easier. |
| Web | When a rope or chain is formed into a web-like pattern to bind the bottom. |
| Weekend Warrior | A derogatory term for players who only experience BDSM in the bedroom or at play parties and do not "live the lifestyle". BDSM may be a way to spice up their sex lives rather than part of their identity or a central feature of their relationships. HuBDSM recognizes non-lifestyle players as valid and eschews the use of this term. |
| Weight | Small weights, often made of lead, can be attached to various body parts, often the nipples, labia, scrotum, or penis, usually to inflict pain. |
| Wet and Messy | Aka Sploshing. When the bottom is soiled by things other than bodily fluids, most commonly food. |
| Wet Cupping | When a small incision is made in the skin and blood is drawn out through suction. |
| Whip | A long flexible implement, typically made out of leather, that is used to strike the body. In addition to the impact aspect of the play, the audible "crack" of the whip can be used to build anticipation and fear in the bottom. Whip use requires a greater level of skill than most impact toys. It is recommended that the bottom wear goggles to protect their eyes from accidental lashings. The term "whip" usually applies to a single-tail implement. Implements with multiple tails are Floggers or Cat-O-Nine-Tails. |
| WIITWD | What It Is That We Do. An acronym that covers all types of alternative sexual activities. |
| Workshop | An instructional session usually conducted in a small group. Usually focused on a specific implement or type of play. Both new and experienced BDSM players attend workshops in order to learn and improve their skills. The workshop may include the opportunity for participants to actively try out the skills that they learned during the session. |
| Wrapping | A term that stems from the tendency of a whip or flogger to wrap around the body. Refers to incidents where the top strikes parts of the bottom's body that were not intended. |
| Wrestling | Physical wrestling between two or more individuals as a form or play or sexual arousal. A D-type partner might insist on being allowed to eventually win or might wrestle with an s-type over whom success is virtually guaranteed as an act of dominance. Between D/s Switches, the outcome of the wrestling match might determine who takes on the dominant role and who takes on the submissive role for that scene. Wrestling might be used as a form of physical bondage. Wrestling can be incorporated into CNC play. |
| Wrist Cuffs | Cuffs or restraints typically made of leather which fit around the bottom's wrists. |
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| Xenophilia | Aka Exoticism. Arousal by exotic/foreign people or objects. |
| Xeronisus | Aka anorgasmia. A condition where a person is unable to reach orgasm by any method. |
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| Yiffing | Sex with suffed animals or Furries. |
| YKIOK | Your Kink Is OK. An acronym that acknowledges and validates another person's kinks, fetishes, or other BDSM interests. |
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| Zelophilia | Arousal due to jealousy, either your own or when you are the subject of someone else's jealousy. |
| Zentai | Wearing a skintight suit while grinding against others wearing skintight suits |
| Zentai Suit | Skintight outfit made of spandex that encompasses the wearer entirely, including the hands and face. There are typically no holes for the eyes or mouth but the weave of the fabric is loose enough to allow breathing and some degree of vision. |
| Zipper | A series of clothespins that are strung together so that they can be removed quickly with a single pull. |
| Zoophilia | AKA Bestiality. Sexual interaction with animals. This constitutes animal abuse and thus is not part of HuBDSM. |