Humiliation Play 101: Just the Basics
Humiliation Play is my favourite kink that I incorporate into almost every scene. I love that it can be as simple or as grandiose as you want and implements are optional! If you are a Dominant who wants to feel the essence of a submissive in your hands (or a submissive who wants to experience that), then humiliation just might be for you!
When you first heard of humiliation play, what image did your mind conjure? Was it hurling insults such as slut, whore, or tax auditor? Perhaps piss play or ball kicking? It encompasses that and more. In general it is a type of play that focuses on making the bottom feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. This brings us to the basic tenants of humiliation play. (Stay tuned for future articles on specific techniques for humiliation play.)
If you are a Dominant who wants to feel the essence of a submissive in your hands (or a submissive who wants to experience that), then humiliation just might be for you!
1. There are Levels of Humiliation play. As with all esoteric kinks, these are generalisations designed to facilitate effective communication.
a) Teasing - “You like that guy, huh?”
b) Embarrassment - “Hey, Guy! My friend likes you!”
c) Humiliation - “My friend really likes you but you should go out with me instead.”
d) Degradation - *has sex with friend’s crush in front of friend*
That escalated quickly, huh? Hence...
2. Humiliation is edge play. Since humiliation play can push one or more players to the brink of what they can emotionally/psychologically handle it is considered edge play. An added element of danger is that unlike impact play, there is no reliable way to gauge when you are approaching the limit. Which is why...
3. Careful negotiation is paramount! Being very clear about expectations and limits leads to successful humiliation play. Humiliation negotiation should include:
- Limits
- Safewords or safewords actions
- How bottom reacts to emotional distress
- Desired emotional and psychological state
- Aftercare for both top and bottom
A more detailed article on humiliation negotiation will follow! All of this is because...
4. Not everyone is humiliated by the same thing. My favourite example to illustrate this point are contrasting two bottoms using mustard and ketchup.
B1: Experiences humiliation by being sent on errands with a small ketchup and mustard stain on their collar.
B2: Is excited as they grab the ketchup and mustard squeeze bottles, squirts it all over themselves, and gleefully sings “I’m a hotdog! I’m a hotdog!”
It all boils down to...
5. Destabilisation of Self. Humiliation play at it’s core destabilises the bottom’s sense of self in various ways that include:
- Having bottom do things they wouldn’t normally do e.g. Forced Bisexual play
- Predicament Play by forcing a bottom to choose between two impossible choices e.g. Asking bottom to choose between vomit-inducing food or orgasm denial
- Challenging their mental or physical security e.g. Hooking up with your friend’s crush in front of them
And many, many, many more!
Mandatory Bonus: Both Tops and bottoms need aftercare. The further you slide on the scale of humiliation towards degradation, the more aftercare is needed. Aftercare helps the players transition from scene to everyday life.
Bottoms need aftercare to affirm that they are truly worthwhile and valuable.
Tops need aftercare to affirm that they are not horribly mean person.
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As long as this article is, this are just the basics. After reading it, you might have realised you’ve been doing Humiliation Play all along. Stay tuned for future articles diving more into these points.
Let me know what some of your favourite Humiliation tactics are! Leave a comment below or join our Facebook group Humanistic BDSM: Inclusive AF Kink.
Photo Credit: Wikimedia User “Nomo” (CC BY-SA 2.5) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pillory_9105377.jpg?fbclid=IwAR21sqWjUr7p0RM1ySf-ZE4l4xDAF7W04xCioYf8PedDBoe39NQZhkBEOEA
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