Kink Harder: Why You Should Learn Sales
Hello. My name is Mina. I’ve seen your work and I am extremely impressed. I know I’m catching you on a break but I would love the chance to sit down and negotiate when we can work together.
Quiz: With whom and where did this conversation happen? Was it with a CEO after they delivered the keynote speech in a multi day conference? Was it with a Master Rope Top after they completed a public exhibition of shibari?
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I understand that you’re happy receiving your information about your insurance by mail. By creating an account on the website, you will have the latest information for you and your family. The best part is that you won’t have to carry cards with you. When you visit the doctor, simply log in through your phone and show them your information.
Quick: Was there money involved in this conversation?
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You have read offers to complete a transaction. In the first scenario, you are offering to give your time and presence in exchange for someone else’s time and attention in order to negotiate. This could be to negotiate becoming the CEO’s new vendor for customer relationship management software or to negotiate a bondage scene with wax and electrical play. In the second scenario, you are offering them an idea in exchange for them taking a specific action. If they buy into your benefits to online enrollment, then they will go enroll online. What type of knowledge would benefit both scenarios?
Rockstars in the boardroom and in the kink scene have sales skills.
Sales skills are universally applicable to all parts of your life and not limited to those with sales in their titles. In every conversation and interaction, you are selling yourself and your ideas. By training yourself in sales, you will become more purposeful in the boardroom and in the kink scene.
Often when we hear the word sales, we conjure up images of a smarmy used car salesman trying to pull a fast one. Yes, receiving money is a benefit to sales skills but not the only one. Sales skills in their essence are communication skills. Communication skills are critical to advancing in your career and to playing amazing yet safe scenes. Here are the big categories of benefits to learning how to sell.
1) You’ll become aware of the power of words. As you actively employ sales skills, you will notice that you are being more thoughtful of your messages. Not only the content but in how you are delivering them. There is a gulf of difference between saying “Let me know when I can present my CRM software to you” and “Let me know if you want a presentation of my CRM software”. (This technique is assuming the sale.)
The delivery of words can be especially crucial in kink play. Words can create and strengthen the fantasy within a scene. Words can reinforce the head space for a dominant or submissive. Words can guide the flow and direction of play for mutual satisfaction. Words can get you play partner for a scene to happen!
2) You’ll learn how to ask questions to negotiate better. When you sit down to negotiate a salary for a new position, do you go with a figure in mind? Do you clarify what’s expected of you? Do you ask your play partner what they most recently fantasized about? The basis of any great negotiation in your career and on the scene is asking great questions. By learning the answers to these improved questions, you are able to clarify goals, find a win-win situation, come to an agreement, and implement the agreement. A negotiation isn’t just a friendly conversation between two people. The goal of every negotiation is an action.
3) You’ll learn how to start and grow relationships. People enjoy buying from others that they like. So how do you get people to like you? Build rapport. You can accomplish this by researching customers or potential play partners, asking them questions (remember that point immediately above?), use their name repeatedly in conversation, finding common interests, etc. Relationship building is essential to advancing in your career. No matter how amazing you are at your job, at some point you WILL have to interact with others to advance. With the inherent risk involved in all forms of kink play, establishing relationships and earning trust is paramount.
4) You’ll learn how to deal with rejection: A) Have a long term goal. B) Turn the rejection into a relationship. C) Don’t take it (too) personally. Sometimes shit doesn’t work out. That’s ok. The burden falls on you to deal with the rejection. With a pre-developed a plan for dealing with rejection, you will be able to approach new people and opportunities with more confidence. This is because you know that even if things go pear shaped, you’re going to be fine.
What is your long term goal? Your goal is to sell your CRM software to a company with 1,000+ employees. Or your goal is getting suspended with a Hitachi wand lashed to you while being alternately tazed and tickled. Goal setting reminds you that there are many possibilities out there. One way to find these possibilities is to build a relationship with the person who just rejected you. There’s a high probably they have in their network others similar to them. By treating the person with respect after being rejected, you’ll be able to add them to your network.
The toughest part of rejection is how it makes you feel. This is compounded in the kink world because you might have gotten shot down while in your underwear. Every sales class tells you not to take rejection personally yet we all do. In the corporate world, they might absolutely love you and would love to buy from you. Yet, they still say no because your product isn’t right for them. In a dungeon it could very well be about you. Or, more correctly, how you fit in with their preferences and prejudices. Go ahead and recognize that it feels shitty. However, don’t let it derail you and move on.
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By developing your sales skills you’ll be selling your ideas to make an impact at work and engaging in more kink play with increasing kinky satisfaction. Now go out there to sell your way to a promotion and play harder.
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Bonus: The top three most important sales skills for professionals who are kinky: 1) Elevator Pitch 2) Negotiation 3) Closing. Sales will be a reoccurring topic at KFS (aka I’ll write an article on sales when I’m lacking inspiration) and will become part of a series.
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What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below or join our Facebook group Humanistic BDSM: Inclusive AF Kink.
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